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Posts Tagged ‘reflections’

A day late and a dollar short, but here nonetheless… facing the facts. Where am I now compared to where I was at the beginning of this month?

In the Self position, I drew the Wheel of Fortune, a reminder that life is ever changing and that I must learn to roll with the punches, taking the good and the bad with equal stride.  I’d say the energy of this card has been well reflected in my recent rambles, particularly about feeling disconnected and like time is slipping through my fingers.  In fact, in my last post, I said I felt like the world is melting around me and that I feel vulnerable.  So much is changing.  Not long ago I wrote about how I feel a complete transformation taking place… awareness of my kids growing up, new relationships, potential move, dreams of my magick shoppe… nothing fully manifested, yet manifestation is in progress.  I try to consciously navigate through my life, but every once in a while I feel caught up in a whirlwind – and now is one of those times, so this card’s presence in this month’s reading is incredibly accurate and taking place right now in the present.

Card two, Situation, painted the perfect picture of who I’ve been this month.  ““The Queen of Coins is endowed with enormous good sense and problem-solving energy, but she is not entrepreneurial. She loves to advise, encourage, and empower those she gets involved with, studying their problems with them and setting them up to solve it. Traditionally she is the Sibyl or Oracle, perhaps a Tarot reader, who made herself available to people in need, no matter what social class or situation they came from. In modern times, she will be found educating, healing, managing disaster aid programs and handling the money from a charity drive.
In every case, she does not see the benefits that exist in her life as belonging solely to her. She feels the needs of “her people” and will spend freely of her time, energy, skills, money to see that nobody is abandoned. For this, and because she likes to work in an atmosphere of beauty, enjoyment, and abundance, she is sometimes accused of being profligate. But she works hard, and she sees no reason to deny the rewards of a job well done! Everyone who comes in contact with her feels enriched by her obvious enjoyment in living.”

When not working as a waitress, I’ve been filling in my off time by doing Tarot readings for others- and I’ve done several this month.  On the same token (no punn intended), I’ve been thinking a lot about the fact that I really don’t want to be a waitress, but would much rather open my own magick shoppe, write the articles I know want me to write them, do tarot readings, and be true to who I am.  Yet, I’m scared of business – of what I don’t know, because as this card accurately described, I am not an entrepeneur.  I’m good at certain things, but I also am well aware of where I fall short, particularly when it comes to managing a business.  Yet, this card tells me its time to get into action… to work at manifesting what I need – so again, I believe this card is still currently in play, not something that waned during the first two weeks of the month.

Card three, Challenge, is one I believe has not fully manifested yet.  It does speak of all the change, and it does account for all the energy I know I’ve been puting “out there”, but I’ve not yet hit the point where I’m feeling the returns.  Here’s what the card said, in part:

“Long labor produces what appears to others to be an effortless result. The price of success is continued exertion.
The Eight of Wands in this position is testing how well you anticipated the tremendous results you are getting from your efforts. When you put yourself in harmony with natural forces, you are furthered by their energetically supportive response. This card, sometimes named “The Garden,” suggests the kind of long labor that bears, at the end of the season, what appears to be a natural cornucopia. The point is that your ambitious vision and devoted labors may give you even better results than you dared dream. Now you have more decisions to make, more details to secure, more work to accomplish — but that is the price of success.

General Meaning: “The Eight of Wands often shows a flight of spears or staffs moving through the air in formation, as if a hidden group of archers had let fly all at once. The title of the card will often echo the idea of swiftly unfolding events, whether of intentional design or unpremeditated. There are also versions which emphasize the agricultural cycle, paralleling the yearly crop cycle with the swift growth of children into adults with children of their own. In each case, the emphasis is on the necessity of change and the challenge of keeping up with it. With the turning of the seasons we are constantly being plunged into precipitous change, and there is no remedy but to live with that in mind. Speed up! Get Busy! Do it now! There is no time to waste!”

It’s out there… it just hasn’t returned.  I’m sure that will be showing up in the next two weeks, especially since I’m due to find out what’s going on with my housing situation, and since I have an interview at work on Monday to be considered for promotion to  trainer.

Card 4, Foundation, pointed to an ability to draw to me the support that I need in my endeavors, and I’m finding that to be very much true. Particularly through my tarot readings, I’m having opportunities to meet people I wouldn’t have otherwise met – and some of them have inspired me into action and enlightenment as much as my readings have done for them.  I can see a support network manifesting, although it’s still in its infancy.

Card Five, recent past, spoke of the fool, and I know exactly what it meant and where it applied.  For too big of a chunk of my life, I was willing to blind myself to certain truths and willingly swallow down lies. I would justify certain things or allow certain excuses because I didn’t want to see the reality of the situation, even though others tried to caution me.  Lesson learned… an expensive lesson, but lesson learned.  And yes… I did feel very much the fool.

Card six, higher power, asked me to reserve judgment – and that, I have (although I just pulled an internal trigger by realizing I’ve pulled the Judgment card twice so far this month!).  Perhaps that reserve is why I’ve been resisting the advice of position ten, the two of cups, suggesting that I express my feelings.  I’m still in that “do nothing” phase… and comfortably so. Okay, that’s a lie… it’s not comfortably so.  But safely so, just the same.

Position 7, near future, suggested that something of great value would be given to me.  I do feel I’ve already received several things of great value, although not necessarily monetarily. Yet, instinctively, I know that’s not what this card was pointing to, and I believe it hasn’t yet manifested.  It’ll be interesting to see what unfolds in the next two weeks.

Card 8, blocks and inhibitions, cautions me against placing blame, and encourages me to take responsibility for my part in things. I have, to a degree, which is still lingering in feeling the fool – I know I played my role in creating consequence – and I really don’t have much of a victim mentality.  However, I can see where instead of just bucking up and buckling down, I’ve had a tendency to get pissy… especially with the Universe.  Hell, i can’t remember if it was this month or last where I threatened to have an all out temper tantrum if the universe didn’t cut me some slack. *smirks* – I’ll continue pondering this one.

Card 9 in the Friends and Alies position showed Death… and I think I understand it.  Someone I thought of as my best friend has been completely cut out of my life… gone.  I said to someone just the other day, “I don’t have friends… and that’s on purpose.  I’m not good at being a friend, and I’m apparently not very good at choosing them, so it’s easier for me, especially with my schedule, just to be solitary.”  I think the card in this position meant that I should see this proverbial death as my friend rather than the enemy.  The Grim Reaper has come a calling – but only to strip away the parts of me that were inauthentic and needed to die off anyway.  It’s a shedding of skin, one that’s necessary, so I can emerge from the situation as a whole being – and one of truth.

Two of Cups in the Advice position is the one I’ve been struggling with so much this month.  I’ve got a foot on each side of the border and I’m just not sure which direction I’m supposed to go.  I’m in no way confused over what I feel… but I’m completely inside out and up-side-down over what I’m supposed to do about what I feel, and whether or not its appropriate to talk about it.  I cheated a little bit, tried to take the easy way out and shared the tarot reading (specifically this card)… but have been unable to vocalize anything… I am happy with how things are and don’t want to damage them by going all girly emotional.  I think I’m waiting to be invited… and until I’m invited to share what I feel, I’m inclined to keep it to myself – although I’m sure it’s no secret.

Long term potential for July showed me the Hermit, and that makes absolute perfect sense to me. In fact, I relate so well to this card that I once wrote a poem about him called The Hermit’s Cave. I’ve been The Hermit for quite some time… and I don’t foresee that changing.  I think that’s reflected all throughout this blog.

So, I can see what’s currently in play, I can easily admit to what’s already taken place, and I’m aware of what’s still to transpire over the next few weeks.

To sum it up in song, this is where I am in the middle of July:

“Breakdown”

Jack Johnson

I hope this old train breaks down
Then I could take a walk around
And, see what there is to see
And time is just a melody
All the people in the street
Walk as fast as their feet can take them
I just roll through town
And though my windows got a view
The frame I’m looking through
Seems to have no concern for now
So for now

I need this
Old train to breakdown
Oh please just
Let me please breakdown

This engine screams out loud
Centipede gonna crawl westbound
So I don’t even make a sound
Cause it’s gonna sting me when I leave this town
All the people in the street
That I’ll never get to meet
If these tracks don’t bend somehow
And I got no time
That I got to get to
Where I don’t need to be
So I

I need this
Old train to breakdown
Oh please just
Let me please breakdown
I need this
Old train to breakdown
Oh please just
Let me please breakdown
I wanna break on down
But I cant stop now
Let me break on down

But you cant stop nothing
If you got no control
Of the thoughts in your mind
That you kept in, you know
You don’t know nothing
But you don’t need to know
The wisdoms in the trees
Not the glass windows
You cant stop wishing
If you don’t let go
But things that you find
And you lose, and you know
You keep on rolling
Put the moment on hold
The frames too bright
So put the blinds down low

I need this
Old train to breakdown
Oh please just
Let me please breakdown
I need this
Old train to breakdown
Oh please just
Let me please breakdown
I wanna break on down
But I cant stop now

(Lyrics Source)

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