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Posts Tagged ‘love’

Intro: This one dates back to about 2002, which seems to have been one of my more prolific years.  I thought I was clever with this one because Symphony was a nick-name for someone special in my life, and there are things written in here that only “we” would have understood.  As with many relationships, that one went sour… but I’m choosing to retain the inspirations that came from the combined energy when it was still a good thing.

“Love’s Symphony”
Written by:
Wendi Friend
2002

Take a chance
romance
heavy breathing
chests heaving
wanting much
tender touch
understand
hold my hand
hypnotizing
mesmerizing
eye to eye
thigh to thigh
hip to hip
lip to lip
trust in me
set me free
feel my fear
please stay near
heart to heart…

… that’s where I’d start.

Feel emotion
drink the potion
living life through heart’s devotion
spirits lift
embrace the gift
for life on earth is sweet but swift
intuition
mystic vision
burdened with no indecision
only freedom
in my kingdom
let the shields down, we won’t need them
no defenses
only senses
not unnerved by false pretenses
only beauty
shall our eyes see
when we let love set our souls free

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Written by:
Wendi Friend

The topic of conversation was relationships, and Celso had a firm grasp (so he thought) on why relationships have the potential to turn into awful, ugly, dreadful, heart-wrenching battles. His philosophy in life was if something adds more pleasure than pain, you should fight with everything you are and have to hold on to it; but if something adds more pain than pleasure, you need to let go. Most people, according to Celso, didn’t know when to say when. When a relationship begins to go sour, there’s a certain amount of effort one can put forth to try to reign in what’s salvageable. Once you’ve put forth all your effort and nothing changes, then ties need to be cut. In theory, his concepts sounded wonderful. In fact, during the two years I was with him, I learned many things. Unfortunately for us, one of those things was when to say when.

I’ve never been one to let go of things too easily. I may fight to hold on because I feel there’s hope left. More often than not, I’m holding on for falsified reasons such as control, fear of failure, or the ability to remain in a comfort zone. Such was my way in relationships past, which left me exhausted emotionally and spiritually.

In past relationships, when a “loud discussion” would break loose, I didn’t debate issues to find a common ground. I debated with the intent to win the argument. I wanted to be right — and that was that. But with Celso, that habit changed. I’m not sure what it was about him that helped me evolve as a person, but being right became less important than keeping the peace or finding compromise. We were able to negotiate rather than argue. We truly communicated instead of having “loud discussions.” Celso had a way about him, through intellect, reason and compassion – a way that taught me what was acceptable and what was not acceptable when it came to dealing with others. He’d feed me quotes, read poetry, and play music to reach me on various levels. He was good for me. He was pure pleasure.

The course of time played a negative role in my relationship with Celso. Through drugs, alcohol, and other addictions, Celso began to lose himself. Believe me when I tell you I tried to reach him. I used his tactics — quotes, poetry, and music to try to hold on to him. I used my own tactics of writing letters or having late night chats under full moon skies. I was patient. I tried everything I knew; everything within my power — but nothing penetrated his shields to ward off his downward spiral. I couldn’t make him quit drinking. I couldn’t help him let go of drugs. I couldn’t help him repair the relationships he had with ex-wives, ex-girlfriends or his lost children. I couldn’t be his Angel. Before long, I saw my own life beginning to deteriorate. That’s when I realized I had two choices. I could either save myself, or go down with Celso’s ship.

It was June 13th, 1996. Following a horrific event between us at a concert, I knew the scales were tipped. After the show, we drove to an isolated area where I’d repeat words to him that he taught me. “I’m sorry, Celso, but being with you is adding more pain than pleasure to my life. I’ve fought to hold on, but now I know it’s time to let go.”

Nothing ever happened in our two years together to make me stop loving Celso. I didn’t hate him, although I would have if I’d stayed with him any longer than I did. I just knew we were no longer productive as a couple — and he knew I was right. He didn’t like it, but he couldn’t argue with his own logic.

The fact that I didn’t stop loving him is the same fact that keeps most people together longer than what is healthy. You can love someone with all your heart and soul, but it doesn’t mean you’ll be able to maintain a healthy relationship. To hold on after things have become so negative that everyone involved is miserable, in my opinion, is to hold on for one of three reasons: control, fear of failure, or desire to remain in a comfort zone.

Loving someone isn’t a solid enough reason to stay together when being together is hurting everyone involved. Separating from someone doesn’t mean you have to stop loving him or her. Hearts will feel what they will, regardless of what our minds tell them. But it is important to recognize the point where you’ve put forth every effort in your power and yet you still can’t generate change. You can’t force another person to grow with you or evolve with you. When the bow of the relation-ship begins to sink, you have to make a choice: sink or swim.

How do you recognize when it’s time to say when? Easy — if something adds more pain than pleasure, despite your efforts to salvage what’s left, it’s time to let go. Celso’s downward spiral never improved. In fact, it escalated to the point that he became so absorbed in alcohol and drugs that he got himself in trouble with the law in the worst kind of way. Rather than pay the consequences of going to prison, he took his own life on October 6, 1996. That’s when I realized that I did the right thing by knowing when to say when, even though doing it hurt. Leaving him hurt me, but staying with him would have hurt me more.

I never stopped loving him. May he rest in peace.

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Intro: This is another piece from 2003.  At the time it was written, I was not involved with anyone romantically. In fact, I wrote this as a way to determine what it was I sought from a relationship so that I didn’t find myself stepping into some of the same pitfalls of the past.  My concepts of love and relationships have changed some since I’d written this, but as a valued part of my past, I’m including it here.

“Let Me”
Written by:
Wendi Friend
2003

Let me hold you in my arms
Softly
Sweetly
without forever

Let me kiss you
deeply
tenderly
without
expectation

Let me touch you
gently
firmly
lovingly
without
possession

Let me adore you
passionately
appreciatively
without
ownership

Let me care for you
take care of you
dote on you
and spoil you
without
preconceived notions

Let me mystify you
entrance you
bewitch you
mesmerize and
hypnotize you
without
control

Let me be with you
laugh with you
enjoy you
to the fullest
without
promises

Let me guide you
teach you

show you
lead you
without
degradation

Let me absorb you
draw energy from you
learn from you
follow you
grow with you
without
need

Let me love you
be in love
with you
love being
with you
love everything
about you
without
commitment

Let us become
better people
better for it
better through it
more because of it
and grateful
for it
for what ever
it is
is not
will be
or won’t

Let me be beautiful
to you
every time
you see me
Let me blow
your mind
and rock
your world
and please
your eyes
your intillect
your body
your heart
and your soul
without
arrogance

Let’s just enjoy
what there is
to enjoy
and let the rest
take care
of itself

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If I Could

Intro: Some loves, in spite of how badly we crave them, were never meant to manifest.  Realizing that is key, and it’s also what inspired this piece back in 2001.

 “If I Could”
Written by:
Wendi Friend
2001

If I could,
I would capture you.
I would put you in a delicate vase
from where you would display your vividness.

If I could,
I would smell you often,
implanting in my memory
the glorious vision and aroma of you.

I would pet your soft petals,
enjoying the tickle on my fingertips.
I would taste the juices from your stem,
savoring the sweetness that is you.

If I could, I would keep you with me always.

But if I captured you,
your life’s liquids would spill
as soon as I cut you from your root.
Your color would darken

and become dreary from atop my mantle.
Your sweet aroma would fade
within a matter of days,
your softness would become crisp and brittle

You would break away
and nothing would remain of you
other than my memory of your power and energy.
So, I stand atop this lonely grass covered hill…

I stand, I watch and I appreciate you from a distance.

I would love you…….

if I could.

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Intro: This is another from my deep past, written originally years and years ago. Modification was inspired by someone I’d never met, but one who valued the art of writing and the creative energy we can share with one another. One of the reasons I appreciate this one, in regard to writing, is that it demonstrates how we can pluck an ancient piece from our personal archives, then re-write it, edit it, polish it, and buff it out to fit a new situation.

“Involuntary Smiles”
Written by:
Wendi Friend

When I crave you
can you feel it?

When I imagine so intensely
that I can see your lips
and feel the warmth of them
do you know that I’m kissing you?

Is there a tingle,
a rhythmic skip,
a fluid expression,
a tension in the muscles
that you can feel
when I can feel
you?

When my soul aches
to dance with yours
does your soul know
it gives mine flight?

Do you know the powers you hold
when you hold me
in your vision?

I have felt the warmth of your gaze
and the depths to which it plunges

riveting
penetrating
heart-stopping
breath taking

You make me feel vulnerable
yet empowered
all at once
and I like that…
even though I don’t know why
I won’t try to justify…

Sexy feels good

You are so solid and real in my life
that I can’t ever imagine
how I lived without you –

You are like lightening…
Striking
following the path of least resistance
Stunning me
with an electrical charge
that knocks me off my feet
and has changed me forever

You lift me up
When you lay me down…

You are the reason I smile
— Involuntary smiles

You embody everything
That is pleasure…

You are the song of the birds
the breath of the breeze
the laughter of a child
the husky, exotic strength of man

That bears repeating
the husky
exotic
strength of a man

the purr of a kitten
the tail thump of a dog
you are the snow
the sunrise
the seasons.
You are the smell of banana bread baking

You are a good stretch
a hot bath
a masterfully written book
You are writing, painting, dancing, singing….
You are all things beautiful

You are everything

You are pure love…
Unable to be defined
Unable to be captured
Unable to be reproduced
Inexplicable

And yet I know you…
Intimately
And I celebrate you…

Through
— Involuntary Smiles

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Intro: Every once in a while, we connect with a soul on such a level that we feel lost without them. With them, we feel inspired, confident, and passionate. Even though some of these soul connections don’t last a lifetime, I don’t believe they should be devalued once they’ve evaporated. This piece was inspired by one such love… and even though it didn’t manifest the way I’d envisioned, I can’t discount the inspiration it ignited in me.

“Map and Compass”
Written by:
Wendi Friend
June 22, 2007

 

With map and compass
I want to explore
uncharted territory
… discover
untouched terrain

… To sail
the deepest oceans
and dive
– unafraid –
to unknown depths

… to ride the waves,
gasping for breath
swimming
floating
on lucid dreams.

With map and compass
I want to journey
into the wild valleys
glistening, twinkling
in twilight shadows

I want to climb to the peaks
of the highest mountains
… drawn to the edge
where unabashed screams
release and linger
in anticipation
of passion’s echo

before letting go
of solid ground
where I can then explore
the gift of flight
without trepidation
with map and compass

And yet
even when
I find myself
with my back
to the wall
… even then, all
of life
is enchanted
… an exotic
erotic
exploration
of mystery
and magick…
with map and compass

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Intro: This piece was inspired by a piano composition and each word matched up with a keystroke. Inspired by its title, its flow, and its energy, I submerged myself in the music and wrote what came naturally, daring to dream… the love I felt when I wrote it was real, even if nothing else was. It’s a painful part of my past, but it’s a piece of me and it deserves to be included here.

“Eternity”
Written by:
Wendi Friend
(June 25, 2007)

 

Do you know
I’ve loved you for eternity
Believe… it’s true
I love you still
With every single part of me

I’d die my death
A hundred times
For one more chance
at life with you

You are my breath
My heartbeat, my soul
You are the treasured half
That makes me whole
… and I need you

Do you know
That it is your love
that makes my soul dance
Throughout eternity

I’d die my death
A thousand times
For one more chance
to dance with you
I’d die my death
A million times
For one more chance
to love with you

Eternally…
I will love you

Do you know
That I’m alive inside your smile
your smile warms me

Do you know
For you I’ll always go
The extra mile
And will go happily

I’d die my death
A hundred times
For just one more
smile with you
I’d die my death
A thousand times
To walk another mile with you

Eternally
I will love you…

Do you know
I have loved you for eternity
Believe… it’s true
I love you still
With every single part of me

I love you
Yes I love you still
And will for all eternity

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