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Making New Friends

Making New Friends

 

This card strikes me as odd for today.  I’ve never been one to have “friends” in the traditional sense.  Why? Quite honestly, it’s because I suck at being a friend. 

I think too many people use the word “friend” too loosely.  There’s a difference between a “friend” and an acquaintance.  There’s a difference between a “friend” and someone online with whom you “connect”.  There’s a difference between “friend” and someone you get along with.  Friend has a much deeper meaning, an energy similar to “family”.

I’m not good at making phone calls, being available, “checking in”, I don’t go out, I don’t “do things”. I don’t go to movies, don’t “do lunch”, don’t go shopping.  My life is here, with my children, my dogs, at work, with T. Don’t get me wrong, there are people I appreciate.  There are my favorite co-workers that consider us “friends”, but it’s really much more like a wonderful acquaintance and a comfortable familiarity.  There are those people I”ve known for years – we speak every now and again, play catch up, have deep philosophical conversations — but the interaction is rare, the chats are few and far between, and the visits are nearly non existent.

I’ve also been burned badly enough in the past, and often enough, that I have a few trust issues. I won’t lie. 

My first “best friend” of adult life made a bad, bad choice – one that had severe consequences that changed the course of her life, my life, and the lives of those we love. The loss of my son is connected to that event, and I’m not sure if I ever truly forgave her or myself for the situation that took place.

I had one friend in whom I confided everything – the good, bad, and the ugly. I shared my celebrations and my fears – as well as being available for her to share hers.  I made several road trips to visit her, several road trips with her to visit other places, and our kids enjoyed interacting with each other on those occasions.  Then one day, she read something in a blog that she completely misunderstood – and without even asking me what was meant by it, or asking the person who made the comment in the first place, she went on an all out attack and aired my private issues in a public forum to be read by all…. and she posted the tainted version with the intent to cause me harm.  That was the last “friend” I had — no thank you. And as for what I once considered my best and truest friend? All lies… it turns out I never really knew that person at all… and I won’t even go there. Yes, I have trust issues.

Also, when I saw this card this morning, my first reaction was to connect it to last night’s bizarre event… and I can’t really go into detail about that right now.

So, I’m perplexed by this card.  I don’t want to make friends, don’t want to be a friend (nevermind the irony of my own name!)…. I’m happy living my secluded life, sharing what resources and energy I have with my kids, my pets, and T.

And the card is inverted, which, in the fairy-realm, means the card is really demanding my attention. It’s an “urgency” when a fairy is reversed.

Here’s what the book says:

Card Meaning: Your circle of friends and acquaintances is shifting to a higher frequency. Old friends may part ways, and new people are entering your life.

Description: Your changing intersts and priorities have made a ripple effect throughout your entire life. As your thoughts and emotions center on more spiritually natured topics, you are now attracting like-minded people into your life. You may find that you aren’t as drawn to your old friends, or that you don’t share as many common interests.

The fairies ask you not to worry about these natural shifts in your life. You aren’t rejecting or judging your old friends. You’re just making room for growth, and acknowledging the Universal Law of Attraction: People who are like-minded are naturally drawn to one another. Know that you deserve wonderful friends who inspire, support, understand, and complement you.

Affirmation: I am grateful for my wonderfully supportive and loving friends.

Source: Healing with the Fairies Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue, Ph. D.

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Intro: Not every piece of poetry is inspired by feel good sensations, love, romance, or appreciation for life. In fact, some of my more powerful poetry was born of pain or anger. This particular piece was one written from a place of extreme anger when I’d been wrongly and harshly judged by someone I thought was a friend. It was a yahoo messenger chat, actually, in which this “friend” accused me of certain things and criticized my lifestyle. Once the chat had ended, I had so much fury stirring inside me that I didn’t know what to do with it, where to put it, or how to release it. Whenever I’m overcome with emotion – the good, the bad, or the ugly, it comes out in the form of writing. Thus, Sanctified Bloodletting was born… Now, as to why it was written in this “language”, your guess is as good as mine because I’ve never written with this voice before… it was a one time deal and I haven’t written with that voice since, but I accept it for what it is. As a sidenote, although it was four years ago that this piece was “inspired”, the “friend” is still a friend. She realized how deeply her words and judgments impacted me and was quick to apologize with sincerity. That’s the true test of friendship, isn’t it? The ability to face and overcome obstacles… to admit our wrongs and to forgive those we feel have wronged us.

“Sanctified Bloodletting”
Written by:
Wendi Friend
2004

Justify thyself
With thy perfectionist ways
Thou who doest no wrong
In all her ‘enchanted’ days

She who art perfect
With no crime to her name
Justify thyself
Stake thy mighty claim

Cast thy words of stone
Bewitch thy mighty spell
Forsaking the law of harming none
Condemning this soul to hell

Generate thy power
Work thy mighty will
Then feel the flames of my burning soul
A soul which is burning still

Bind me to thy stake
Tie thy ropes in knots
Then watch as I disintegrate
Beneath thy selfish plots

Then brace thyself for a mighty blow
For the blow is sure to come
From those who abide by the mystic law
Of ever harming none

Think thyself a victor
As thy sweepest away my soot
Then prepare thyself
To be brought to justice
Beneath karma’s mighty foot

I will bow down to no one
No demon nor mortal soul
For even with imperfections
My magick remains whole

Thou hast mistaken my kindness
For a sign that I art weak
Thou hast granted thyself authority
From ignorance to speak

From whence ignorance comes
May ignorance return
For the heavens have determined
You have much as of yet to learn

In your novice practice
Do as thou thinkest thy should
But do not mistake what thy thinkest
For something that is good

I return to you no evil
For this soul of mine art pure
Kill me time and time again
I will arise, for sure.

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