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Serenity

Serenity

Having posted my dream and replying to comments, I headed to the kitchen to refill my coffee cup.  That’s when I “heard” this muffled voice crying, “Let me out! Hey! Let me out!”. 

I looked toward the baker’s rack where I heard the voice coming from, and low and behold, I spied the woodland faerie chasing butterflies that I’d purchased more than a month ago, the day we found that yellow house. 

 I kept her in the box on the bottom shelf of the baker’s rack, telling myself she’d be a housewarming gift to myself the day we moved.  This morning, she called me on it and wanted set free. 

I smiled, lifted the box, took out her styrofoam entrapment, snapped her photo, and carried her back to my room, placing her on my desk, facing me. 

I’ve decided to name her Serenity.

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Due to technical difficulties and time constraints, I’m going to group it all in one post – and omit images.  I don’t like doing it that way, but it’s better than not doing it at all.

Today’s cards that I’ve drawn are repeat cards, meaning I’m stuck in a cycle I’ve yet to break.  Not surprising, really, and they’re right on target with how I’ve been feeling.

Today’s Tarot Card: Judgement – I drew this one on July 3rd and had quite a bit to say about it.  Today, it shows up in reverse, just as it did on the 3rd, which means I’m really not making the progress I should be making in this area of my life.  If I was progressing, it would have shown up in the upright position… I’m too scattered, too spread out, and too harsh of a critic when it comes to myself, my past experiences, my current state of mind, and my future potential.  When I drew the card previously, I included references from LearnTarot.com and Aeclectic.Net – today, I’ll add one more reference… from “Solitary Witch: Book of Shadows for the New Generation” by Silver Raven Wolf:

Things coming back to haunt you; revisiting and taking responsibility for one’s actions (past or present); spiritual awakening; forgiveness; facing consequences; learning from experience; reaping what you have sown. 

*Astrological association: Pluto

So, having still not done my mid-point review of July’s Tarot (and likely not having time this morning as hoped), it seems as though I’m stuck in a rut… the same place now that I was at the beginning of the month.  It makes sense since last night I said I lost the last two weeks… and that time is slipping through my fingers.  I haven’t been “living” or “evolving” as I should… I’ve been in straight up survival mode. Go to work, work all day and late into the evening, drive home exhausted, crash…. repeat.  In the only spare time I’ve had, I’ve been doing readings, which is fine – no worries – I’m meant to — but there hasn’t been any time remaining for myself (which is likely why I drew that Quiet Time fairy the other day!)

Speaking of fairies, today’s draw is also a repeat card, drawn six days ago on July 10th.

Today’s Fairy Oracle: Higher Consciousness

Here’s what the guidebook says:

Card Meaning: You are receiving guidance from your true self, your higher consciousness, which is one with Divine universal wisdom. You are listening to love rather than fear.

Description: This card is a validation that your recent feelings, thoughts, dreams, and aspirations are coming from Spirit. You have been asking for Divine guidance, and your higher self has answered your prayers. Your spiritual path has helped you hear this voice because you’ve taken the time to listen. Perhaps you’ve begun a meditation or yoga practice, and this has helped you quiet your mind. Or maybe you’ve put your foot down to the Universe and have adamantly decided to improve your life.

Whichever route you’ve taken is working very well. Now, the fairies ask you to keep having conversations with your higher consciousness. This will involve carving out time away from noise and stress. You may need to take frequent nature walks, join a spiritual support group, or go on a retreat. By quieting your life and your mind, the voice of your higher consciousness becomes increasingly loud and clear. It guides you perfectly through all life areas.

Affirmation: I easily hear and understand the inner voice of Spirit.

Source: Healing with the Fairies Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue, Ph. D.

And today’s correspondences:

Today is:
July 16, 2008

*Neither planting or harvest day

Wednesday:
Governed by Mercury – study, travel, divination, wisdom

Colors:
yellow, brown, white, topaz

The Moon:
2nd quarter waxing in Capricorn

Waxing Moon: New Moon to Full Moon (this Friday is full moon!) is the ideal time to do magic to draw things to you.

Moon in Capricorn: Develops strong structure. Focus on traditions, responsibilities, and obligations. A good time to set boundaries and rules.

The Sun:
Cancer, “The Crab”, June 22 – July 22

Due to those pesty internet issues, I’m skipping today’s horoscope.

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Today is:
July 7, 2008

*Planting Day
(Today may be a good day for me to plant seeds of acceptance and forgiveness – not only toward others, but toward myself as well.)

Today’s Coffee Thoughts: Wheel of Fortune
Today’s Tarot Card: Justice
Today’s Fairy Oracle: Parenting and Children

Monday:
Governed by the Moon – peace, healing, caring, psychic awareness.

Colors:
Gray, lavender, white, silver, ivory

The Moon:
1st quarter waxing in Virgo

Waxing Moon: From New Moon to Full Moon is the ideal time to do magic to draw things to you.

Moon in Virgo: Favors accomplishment of details and commands from higher up. Focus on health, hygiene, and daily schedules.

The Sun:
Cancer, “The Crab”

The Crab
June 22 to July 22
Traditional
Cancer Traits

Emotional and loving
Intuitive and imaginative
Shrewd and cautious
Protective and sympathetic

On the dark side….

Changeable and moody
Overemotional and touchy
Clinging and unable to let go

The Cancerian character is the least clear-cut of all those associated with the signs of the zodiac. It can range from the timid, dull, shy and withdrawn to the most brilliant, and famous Cancerians are to be found through the whole range of human activity. It is a fundamentally conservative and home-loving nature, appreciating the nest like quality of a secure base to which the male can retire when he needs a respite from the stresses of life, and in which the Cancerian woman can exercise her strong maternal instincts. The latter tends to like and to have a large family. `Nest like’ is an appropriate adjective for the Cancerian home, for its inhabitants tend to favor the dark, mysterious but comfortable type of house which has something of the air of a den about it, a place which belongs to the family rather than existing as a showcase to impress visitors.
That is not to say that the Cancerian is unsociable, just that for them there is a time to socialize and a time to be solitary, and this is part of the apparent contradiction in their nature. Outwardly they can appear formidable – thick-skinned, unemotional, uncompromising, obstinately tenacious, purposeful, energetic, shrewd, intuitive and wise, sometimes with a philosophical profundity of thought verging on inspiration. Their intimates, however, may see a very different character, one with a sympathetic and kindly sensitivity to other people, especially those they love. They are able to identify with the situations of others because of the keenness of their imaginations. They are often over-imaginative and prone to fantasy, sometimes trying to shape their lives to fit some romantic ideal. They are appreciative of art and literature, and especially of drama, where the spectacle and ebb and flow of action and feeling particularly excite them. They may themselves possess considerable literary, artistic or oratorical talent. Their sharp ears and talent for mimicry can sometimes give them success on the stage, though their tendency to be emotional may make them overact. Interestingly – because they give the impression of being down-to-earth – they are often fascinated by the occult and are more open to psychic influence than the average. If they can reconcile the personal conflict of their urge to be outgoing with the reserve that causes them to withdraw into themselves, then at best they can inspire a generation, especially the youthful part of it, by their idealism. A job in which they can express this, and in which they can do well, would be as a leader in a youth organization.
(Read More)

Source: http://www.astrology-online.com/cancer.htm

Today’s Horoscope for Leo:

Quickie
You should adhere to more conservative ideas. Be aware that people may be lying.

Overview
On most days, you live life the way you want to and try not to worry too much about what other people think. Today, though, you can tell that things are more delicate and require greater discretion.

Daily Extended
Overview
You should adhere to more conservative ideas today. Play things safe, and don’t be too generous with too many people, even the ones you think deserve your generosity. You might think you have a lot of time and resources right now, but give things a second glance this afternoon — you’ll notice that you really can’t afford to spread things around too much. Forget about your idea to take someone out to lunch, and trim back your budget for that friend’s birthday present.

Daily Flirt:
Let someone else be the life of the party — you’d rather kick back and enjoy watching the proceedings, or just chat with someone cute. Your energy levels should pick right back up in another day or so.

Daily Couples:
The urge to save your pennies has overtaken you, and you’ve been remarkably disciplined. Give yourself a little break from being thrifty, and treat yourself and your partner to a little something special.

Daily Singles:
You’re not impulsive type. Having a Plan B, C and D is usually your style. While being overly prepared comes in handy when everyone else seems to flounder, you could come off as rigid and controlling. Give in to a little spontaneity once in awhile.

Career & Finance:
It’s all about finances, today. If you’re out of ideas for whittling away at the budget, come up with a new strategy altogether. Being more thrifty than usual just won’t do the trick.

(Source)

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Today is:
July 5, 2008

*Neither planting or harvest day

Today’s Coffee Thoughts: Time Warp
Today’s Tarot Card: Knight of Pentacles
Today’s Fairy Oracle: Financial Flow, Inverted

Saturday:
Governed by Saturn – longevity, endings, homes

Colors:
brown, gray, blue, indigo, black

The Moon:
First Quarter waxing in Leo

Waxing Moon: From New Moon to Full Moon is the ideal time to do magic to draw things to you.

Moon in Leo: Draws emphasis to the Self, to central ideas or institutions, away from connections with others and emotional needs.

Source for the above information, excluding divinatory cards and coffee thoughts: Llewellyn’s Witches’ Datebook 2008

The Sun:
Cancer, “The Crab”

This month’s Sign: Cancer (June 20th to July 22nd)
Date & Time of Suns Entry (also the Summer Solstice): June 20th, 2008 at 4:59 pm PDT, 5:59 pm MDT, 6:59 pm CDT, 7:59 pm EDT
Type: A water, cardinal sign
Planetary Ruler: The Moon
Areas of Body Ruled: Breasts, stomach, solar plexus
Key Phrase: I feel and thus establish
Symbols: The crab

What is ruled by Cancer? Home, family, children, our heritage and roots, where we feel we belong, the need to feel secure, what is familiar to us, our emotions.

This information is for all signs of the Zodiac.
There are two primary reasons for this:
One is that whatever is going on in the skies Astrologically affects us all, all of the time.
Two is that we each have all twelve signs somewhere in our natal chart and
so the current focus on the sign of Cancer activates that area.
The following information explains how the current emphasis
on Cancer may affect you personally and ways to work with this influence.

CANCER ENERGIES & KEYWORDS
The Sun entering Cancer is also the first day of Summer in the Northern Hemisphere (and the first day of Winter in the Southern Hemisphere). This marks a time to celebrate the light and warmth that nature and the life force provides. This is a season of growth resulting in fruition in the Fall. While this is generally associated with planting gardens and crops, it also applies to any ventures, ideas and/or projects. The seeds planted in the Winter/Spring now take hold and begin to bloom.

One of the lessons now is to continue to tend to and
nurture those things that are at the stage of growth just prior to harvest,
and to rejoice in the realization and fulfillment of our past efforts.

Cancer is an emotional and impressionable sign, and during this time of the year, you can often feel ultra sensitive, even if we are not a Cancer (remember, we all have the sign of Cancer—and all the 12 signs—influencing our chart somewhere). The Moon, the ruling “planet” for Cancer, is the fastest-moving object in the skies. Hence, Cancer is changeable, moody at times and fluid in nature. It is a time that while we (all) may feel more sensitive and emotional we can also learn to be more open, caring and receptive. We increase our capacity for nurturance and our ability to receive~from ourselves, our families, our friends and from life. This sign more than any other influences our ability to feel at ease and safe in the world.

During this time we long to belong.

The four weeks of strong Cancerian influences (6/20 to 7/22), we are often nostalgic and flooded with memories that may evoke strong emotions. To understand this aspect of our nature, we must go into our feeling and emotional realms. Being watery in nature (the Moon, being the ruler of Cancer, greatly influences the tides), we need to ebb and flow with these rhythms. And to try not to have agendas about the form, structure or the outcome our emotional experiences may take. The trick is to keep the inner tides moving, allowing whatever comes up and then not be attached to that, awaiting the next wave of feeling to move through you.

Some other areas that may get your attention or focus during this month are:

your childhood and foundations; your early impressions.
generations and generational issues and dynamics
your genetics and lineage. (You can learn a lot about your emotional natures if you look at the patterns laid by those before you in your lineage.) ….. (read more)

Source for information on Cancer influences: StarPathways.com

Today’s Horoscope for Leo:

Quickie
Someone who’s usually warm gets a lot chillier today– don’t take it personally.

Overview
Now is the time to make your move — you’ve got all the confidence you need and you might find that all it takes is a little extra bluster to see you through. Things could get really interesting today.

Daily Extended
Are you feeling a frosty chill from someone who’s usually warm and sweet? Ask them if something is wrong today, and if they tell you ‘nothing,’ then don’t push it. Respect their boundaries and assume that if they wanted to talk to you about something, they just missed a perfect opportunity to do so. Don’t spend too much time thinking about why they’re different, today. You will have too much of your own stuff to deal with. You can’t pry things out of people.

Daily Flirt:
You’re filled with amazing energy, and if you’ve been putting anything off for later, now is the time to take care of it. You know you’ll do fine, and that’s all you really need to make it work.

Daily Couples:
Sure, the celebrity magazines are fun to read, but lately your own love life is just as interesting. Enjoy a romantic evening out on the town tonight, and when anyone asks for details, tell them you don’t kiss and tell.

Daily Singles:
Today your willpower feels like it’s constantly being tested. Show some self-restraint as you try to dazzle others. Even though your conversational skills astound your friends, you might not get the same reaction from new people.

Career & Finance
You may not be Picasso but you should have more confidence than you do when it comes to being creative. Glorify your ability to think and express yourself in your own unique way.

Horoscope Source

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Today is:
June 23, 2008

*Harvest Day

Today’s Fairy Oracle: Family Harmony
Today’s Tarot: 3 of Pentacles, Inverted

Monday:
Governed by the Moon – peace, healing, caring, psychic awareness

Colors:
gray, lavender, white, silver, ivory

The Moon:
3rd quarter waning in Aquarius, void-of-course @ 2:04 p.m. US Central, enters Pisces @ 2:32 p.m.

Waning Moon: Waning, from Full Moon to New Moon, is a time for study, meditation, and magical work designed to banish harmful energies.

Moon in Aquarius: Rebellious energy. Time to break habits and make abrupt change. Personal freedom and individuality are the focus.

Moon Void-of-Course: Just before the Moon enters a new sign, it will make one final aspect (angular relationship) to another planet. Between that last aspect and the entrance of the Moon into the next sign it is said to be void-of-course. Activities begun when the Moon is void-of-course rarely come to fruition, or they turn out very differently than planned.

Moon in Pisces: The focus is on dreaming, nostalgia, intuition, and psychic impressions. A good time for spiritual or philanthropic activities

Source for above information, excluding divinatory cards: Llewellyn’s Witches’ Datebook 2008

The Sun:
Cancer, “The Crab”
approximately June 21-July 20

Ruled by: The Moon
Element: Water
Character Traits: Cancers are sensitive and kind. They are intuitive and loving, but can be prone to worrying too much about the people they care about. Here, we also find a duality, as a Cancer can be up on stage one minute, getting attention from audiences, or living alone on a mountain top the next.

Cancer source: Moon Spells by Diane Ahlquist

Today’s Horoscope for Leo:

Quickie
Don’t fly off the handle to any shocking news that might come today — play it cool.

Overview
You’re feeling drawn to the world of art today, either as a creator or as a spectator. In either case, you bring more than your sensitive nature — you also are brimming over with creative energy!

Daily Extended
Don’t fly off the handle due to any shocking news that might come your way, today — you might be only getting part of the story, so it’s very unwise to connect the few dots you’ve been given. Wait for this story to develop more fully over the next few days. You will probably see that not only are things more complicated than you had heard, they’re also none of your business. Making assumptions will only lead to problems. So when you get that email or text, just hit ‘delete’ and move on.

Daily Flirt:
You need to scope out some new art today — maybe hitting a gallery, maybe lurking in alleys to check out graffiti or maybe even coming up with some on your own to show to the world.

Daily Couples:
You’ve been laying the groundwork for some big changes, and now it’s starting to pay off. Expect good things to start happening — your already excellent life with your honey is about to get even better.

Daily Singles:
All that glitters is not gold. Flash doesn’t always equal substance. The best person for you isn’t necessarily the one drawing all the attention. Look beyond the glitz.

Career & Finance:
If you want to throw open the window and scream that you’re mad as heck and not going to take this anymore, it’s already been done. You can put your own twist on the story, though.

Horoscope Source

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Today is:
June 19, 2008

*Planting Day

Moon in Capricorn, waning:: This is a Earth sign. It is a good time to sow Root plants like Beetroot, Carrots, Chives, Jerusalem Artichokes, Kohl Rabi, Onions, Radish, Spring Onions, Swedes, Turnips, but it would not be a good time to sow Flower plants like Angelica, Borage, Calabrese, Caraway, Cauliflowers, Wormwood (Source)

*Note: as the moon is waning, this is also an excellent time for pruning and weeding gardens – both physically and spiritually.

Today’s Fairy Oracle: Letting Go, Inverted
Today’s Tarot Card: Five of Swords, Inverted

Thursday:
Governed by Jupiter – expansion, money, prosperity, generosity

Colors:
green, turquoise, white, purple, crimson

The Moon:
3rd Quarter Waning in Capricorn

Waning Moon: Waning, from Full Moon to New Moon, is a time for study, meditation, and magical work designed to banish harmful energies.

Moon in Capricorn: Develops strong structure. Focus on traditions, responsibilities, and obligations. A good time to set boundaries and rules.

The Sun:
Gemini, The Twins

Here’s what I’ve learned about Gemini Energy thus far:

June 13

June 12

June 10

June 9

June 8

June 7

*Note to Self: What I’d actually like to do is to re-read all of these sources, consult a few more, then write my own understanding of Gemini influences.  It’s one thing to scout, copy, and paste – but it’s a new way of understanding to chew it up, swallow it down, and regurgitate it in my own way.  I’d like to do this with each month’s signs, actually, and add a new page to The Road Home for Zodiac.  Of course, whether or not I’ll have the time, energy, or creative flow to accomplish this is another thing entirely… but the idea is here and I’ve written it down.

Other Planetary Influences:
Mercury Direct @ 9:31 a.m. US Central

Mercury’s direct station is usually the most difficult day of the whole retrograde, and this day may be especially difficult with the Sun and Venus at a standoff with the Moon and Pluto. Not only will Mercury bring miscommunications, Internet problems, and travel problems around that day, there will also be lots jealousy and fear in our minds. Some could be rather passionate around this time, and sex could be a driving force. (source)

The influences of Mercury Direct are also dependent on where Mercury is in your chart. This source offers information on finding Mercury’s location in your natal chart, and understanding how it influences you at this time. Here’s what mine said:

7/31 to 8/29 3 Arms, Communications, & Letters

Third House

The missing letter somehow arrives. The forgotten phone call is made. A misplaced (and crucial) file is found. Something lost is found here, and that lost something deals with communications, transportation, or accounting. You’ll be glad to get the piece of the cover, unless you are the one that intentionally hid it. -)

Today’s Horoscope for Leo:

Quickie
In everything you do today, your enthusiasm will bubble up and make everyone smile.

Overview
Take in as much information as you can today, because your decision-making process is wholly dependent on what you know. You may want to defer action until as late in the day as possible.

Daily Extended
In everything you do today, your enthusiasm will bubble up and pour all over everyone who is around you. You will be a ‘happiness’ contagion! Spreading smiles is something you’ll do without any extra effort, and it will create a chain reaction of cheerfulness that will make people want to listen to you. This is a wonderful day for a party or any other type of group situation where good vibes are helpful. You can be the center of all the fun — if you let yourself.

Daily Flirt:
You have to act like a parent today, listening to everyone tell their sides of the story before making up your mind. It could get a little tedious after a while, but you know it’s the right thing to do.

Daily Couples:
What you see as sharing your excitement over your relationship, your friends might view as bragging. Keep in mind that while they’re happy for you, they don’t want to hear all the details!

Daily Singles:
Your resourcefulness helps put your back on track when it comes to looking for the ideal dating situation. Whether you’re on the prowl at the gym or looking at more than melons n the produce isle, you’re ready for love.

Career & Finance
All the potential in the world won’t help you if you can’t stay focused. Listen to your flittering and flickering thoughts, then concentrate.

(source)

Other sources used for today’s influences: Llewellyn’s Witches’ Datebook 2008

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Intro: Here’s another I’m drawing from ancient archives in honor of today’s Fairy Oracle, Romantic Partner. Again, I admit and openly know that the writing itself kinda sucks (although I am fond of a few lines)… the flow and meter are off, the punctuation is painful, but I’m choosing NOT to edit at this point because the whole purpose of “The Road Home” is to accept and appreciate all of my parts and my past, even the un-polished bits.

“Could This Be Love?”
Written by:
Wendi Friend
2000

To love nature is easy
Just give in to the seasonal flow
Winds can be wild or light and breezy
While rain and sun cause things to grow
But the trees don’t complain
When the weather’s too cold
Nor do they explain
How they feel as they grow old
And though each winter life faces death
Winter exhales living spring’s breath
To love nature is easy

To love children is simple
Just tune in to their laughter
Appreciate their smile’s dimple
And believe in their happily ever after
Honor a child’s innocence and joy
At the simple things around them
They’ll play with the box before the toy
A child’s heart is a gem.
Children love with no conditions
Children openly trust
They have no hidden agenda or missions
Imaginations are robust.
To love children is simple

To love animals is effortless
Those joyful, loyal pets
Who will love you if you’re penniless
And up to your arse in debts
They cuddle without confining
They don’t hog the covers in bed
They don’t require fine dining
And let you know they love you
–without a word ever being said
They are always happy to see you
When you walk through your door
Their love is deep and real and true
They don’t hold grudges
–over things that happened before
To love animals is effortless

To love career is driving
Inspiration lights a fire
Pulse rate up and mind is thriving
Heart is pumping with desire
Everyone wants to be a success
And increase the cash they bank
Because without it you’re helpless-
just a third-class passenger
–on a boat that already sank
We want intelligence and high-class status
So we harness our tools and trade
We maneuver our chosen apparatus
And lead the employment parade
Regardless of the field one chooses
If the passion is right and ripe
One who aggresses never loses
If they’re the career lovin’ type
To love a career is driving

But to love another human
Dear Goddess, the implications
What’s done will never be undone
Regarding intimate relations
Yet still we search and hope to find
A perfect willing match
With a strong, loving heart and powerful mind
To which we can attach
Because alone we feel like half of a whole
And feel like something’s missing –
Like somewhere there exists a twin to our soul
With whom we should be reminiscing
About the good old days back when
In a life more open and free
Before the separation began
When there was unity
And so we find familiar faces
That we think might be lost love
We cling to even the slightest traces
Of that old familiar glove
Only to find we’d made an error
And the glove tried on just doesn’t fit
And all your dreams shatter in terror
And you feel like it’s time you finally quit
Searching for something that can’t be real
For something you’ll never find
For something that will always be surreal
And a figment of your disillusioned mind
But just when you accept this as true
And you give up on the chase
You meet someone who reminds you of you…
Who has a familiar face…

And you wonder…

Could this be love?

(Here we go again!)

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Intro: This was written long ago, around 2000/2001. I remember when, where, and why I wrote it. The punctuation, grammar, and style in this one really stink… and I’m not editing it because I’m at the point in my life where I appreciate the raw expressions of my past without trying to perfect them. I’m re-posting this today because I remembered it when I drew that Romantic Partner Fairy Oracle this morning. The card triggered a memory, so I’m including the memory on “The Road Home.”

“I don’t need you”
Written by:
Wendi Friend
2000

I don’t need you to think I’m sexy
in order to know I’m a woman.
I don’t need you to show me the way
in order for my life to begin.

I don’t need you to call me smart,
in order to recognize intelligence –
and I don’t need to wait for you….
in order to play out my life’s events.

I don’t need to credit you
with all that I become,
I don’t need to belong to you
because I don’t belong to anyone!

I don’t need to beg of you
forgiveness for my mistakes ~
and I won’t worship the ground you walk on,
when the ground that you walk on quakes!

I don’t need to subscribe to the theory
that I can’t live without you
nor will I be suckered into believing
that I’d do anything for love – if it were true.

However …

Because I am a woman,
I’d like to be thought of as sexy.
I don’t fear getting lost along the way,
but I sure wouldn’t mind some company.

I’m not afraid to use my own mind,
but I value other opinions-
and though my life doesn’t depend on it,
I would like a bit of your attention

While I believe it’s sometimes right to be wrong
and that our mistakes can be our virtues,
I’ll try to be understanding through the journey long,
willing to walk a mile in another’s shoes.

And though I’ll walk on my own two feet
to reach the goals I’ve longed for,
the rewards of my efforts would be really neat-
but sharing it with love would be worth more.

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Hmm…
“Romantic Partner”

Romantic Partner

Well, damn if this didn’t get a snort and an eyeroll from me this morning! *laughs* There’s a voice in my head going, “Yeah, yeah, yeah… what about it? I know. I know.”

I’ve been writing quite a bit about this lately, actually. I’ve been making internal adjustments in regard to my views on love, romance, commitment, partnership, marriage, and all that jibberish. I’ve decided it’s time for that dreamy little girl to grow up an get a good, solid, firm grasp on this so-called reality. It’s the daydreamer in me, that little girl who fantasized of Prince Charming and Happily Ever After that gets me into so much trouble.

I’ve finally come to the conclusion that there is no Knight in Shining Armor… not in the way I’d once imagined, and that – in truth – I really don’t like the feeling of being swept off my feet and caught in that “airy-fairy” whirlwind of emotion. No… twitterpated is NOT where I want to be. I’d much rather stay grounded. But, I didn’t know that about myself when this new relationship sprouted, and it took a few hurt feelings for me to re-gain my balance and draw myself back in.

Well, I wrote of being guarded and shielded, then re-writing those words because they sounded to “protective”, and it wasn’t a “defense” mechanism. Instead, I said I’m keeping my heart “reserved”, holding some back, investing my love in more substantial areas… where it belonged… with my children, my animals, my writing, my home, my Self. I wrote that I can appreciate what there is to appreciate in romance and this new relationship without over-exposing myself, over-investing, over-analyzing, or dissecting it to death. Take it down a notch. Enjoy what there is to enjoy without forming an emotional attachment. Here today, gone tomorrow… I’ll survive. I don’t “need” anyone to promise me their forever or make me their one and only (do I?).

So I’m struggling with this issue, obviously. To love or not to love, that is the question. Nah, no it isn’t… that one I already know the answer to. I know how to love. I know how to love hard, deep, and completely (when I choose to). I guess the real question is: To be loved or not to be loved… now there’s the question.

So I’d come to the realization that I am not meant to be anyone’s “one and only”. I will never be “the one” that someone has been searching for. I’ll always be “really cool” and “fun to hang out with” and “this close” to perfect… but not close enough to be “the one”. That’s what prompted the writing of “The Stepping Stone” the other day, the first piece I’ve written fresh in a really long time, and one that was written from the paradoxed position of pain and healing.

And now that I’ve decided that I’ve gotten over myself and I’m cool with whatever, now I draw Romantic Partner? HA! No wonder the laughter card was a prelude to this (drawn earlier this week) telling me to find the humor in life. HA! HA! And frigging HA!

Well, if this card came up in a reading for someone else, I’d tell them that they were either about to meet a new Romantic Partner, or that if they already had one, it was a keeper and one that deserved more of their attention and energy. Of course, that interpretation might vary a tad depending on which other cards it came up with. When I do full spread readings for others, I use two decks together… the Rider/Waite deck which I read first, and then I lay the fairy Oracles on top of them so they’re synchronized. Nonetheless, the Romantic Partner is the focus here and is asking for attention.

How ’bout if I just shut up at this point and list what the book says. I’m obviously tripping over my own feet (tongue) with this one.

Card Meaning: A new romance is coming your way! Either a new partner, or a revival of passion in an existing relationship will delight you now or in the future.

Description: By drawing this card, the fairy realm wants you to know that a new wave of romance is coming your way. Romance could manifest itself in a number of delightful forms, such as meeting a new partner who makes your heart sing with excitement and passion, or a rejuvenation of a waning romance with a current love. Perhaps the new romance will take the form of an exciting getaway, such as a tropical vacation, a night at a quaint bed-and-breakfast Inn, or an evening of dinner and dancing.

Fairies love romance, and they know the importance of feeling passion in a relationship. Ask them to help you with imaginative ideas to create more romance in your life. They remind you that romance is a state of mind, and it involves playfulness and creativity. Sometimes when we’re stressed, we crave romance the most, yet we may not know how to experience romance. Let the fairies help you relax, allowing an inflow of romantic ideas to easily come to your mind, and also giving you the energy to put them into action and enjoy them to the utmost.

Affirmation: I am a romantic person. I release any fears I may have about giving or receiving love.

(Me: Awww, *wince*, do I hafta?)

Source: Healing with the Fairies Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue, Ph. D.

P.S. – Here’s an interesing sidenote that I’ll include in the Daily Dose: Today is Friday, ruled by Venus… a day for love, romance, and beauty. (HA!)

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Intro: This was originally written back in 2000 as a writing exercise. The idea is to draw a quote, any quote, and write either 400 words, or for 20 minutes.  I’m pulling this old writing exercise from my archives today in honor of the “Environmental Awareness” Fairy Oracle drawn in this morning’s Daily Dose.

“Our Only Legitimate Hope of Survival”
Written by:
Wendi Friend
2000

To cherish what remains of the earth and to foster its renewal is our only legitimate hope of survival.” -Wendell Berry-

I took it as a compliment when a co-worker branded me as a “hippie-chick.” Never could I have been more flattered than when someone else called me a tree hugger.

Saving our earth is important for obvious as well as not so obvious reasons. If we destroy the ozone layer, we’ll perish. If we demolish the rain forest, we rob ourselves of life preserving essentials. you wouldn’t set your house on fire, would you? We shouldn’t rip apart our environment, either.

Aside from the protective barriers and nutritional growths of the earth, there is a silent, unseen energy that she exhales. People of every religious venue have sought from nature a spiritual experience. When we leave the pressures and familiarities of our daily routines and find time for nature, we emerge from the experience feeling energized, revitalized, clarified. We emerge from nature feeling whole, confident, connected, determined and ready to face new challenges.

We are inspired by landscapes, sunsets, ocean waves, mountain peaks, vivid jungles, steep cliffs, serene forests, spring gardens, rushing waterfalls, chattering animals, twinkling stars and weather phenomena – and yet, despite our fascination with her many faces and functions, we disrespect and destroy her daily, polluting her waters and air.

We feed from the earth, drinking her juices and enjoying the flavors of her fruits – and yet, we starve her of the attention, respect and gratitude that she deserves.

She shields us with her protective wings, keeping us out of the chaotic realm, lacking oxygen and gravity, called space – yet, we disintegrate that barrier with our chemical creations and arrogant, spoiled needs.

It would be such a blessing if our society could remember the earth. It would be a salvation if they could respect and protect her.

If we destroy the earth, we destroy ourselves. The dinosaurs didn’t have a choice in their extinction. We do.

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