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Posts Tagged ‘dreams’

As requested by Pat, I’m posting information on the Lizard and the Eagle.

Beginning with the Lizard, here’s the information previously posted from the Medicine Cards:

Lizard… will you dream with me?
Travel across the stars?
Beyond the place of time and space,
There live visions from afar.

Lizard sat lolling in the shadow of a big rock, shading himself from the desert sun. Snake crawled by, looking for some shadow to coil up in and rest. Snake watched Lizard for awhile as Lizard’s eyeballs went side to side behind his enormous closed lids. Snake hissed to get Lizard’s attention. Slowly Lizard’s dreaming eyes opened and he saw snake.

“Snake! You scared me! What do you want?” Lizard cried.

Snake spit his answer from his forked tongue. “Lizard, you are always getting the best shadow spots in the heat of the day. This is the only big rock for miles. Why don’t you share your shade with me?”

Lizard thought for a moment, then agreed. “Snake, you can share my shade spot, but you have to go to the other side of the rock and you must promise not to interrupt me.”

Snake was getting annoyed. He hissed, “How could I bother you Lizard? All you are doing is sleeping.”

Lizard smiled knowingly. “Oh Snake, you are such a silly serpent. I’m not sleeping. I’m dreaming.”

Snake wanted to know what the difference was, so Lizard explained. “Dreaming is going into the future, Snake. I go to where future lives. You see, that is why I know you won’t eat me today. I dreamed you and I know you’re full of mouse.”

Snake was taken aback. “Why Lizard, you’re exactly right. I wondered why you said you should share your rock.”

Lizard laughed to himself. “Snake,” he said, “you are looking for shade and I am looking for shadow. Shadow is where the dreams live.”

Lizard medicine is the shadow side of reality where your dreams are reviewed before you decide to manifest them physically. Lizard could have created geting eaten by Snake if he had so desired.

Lizard is the medicine of dreamers. Whether dreamers smoke you or dream you, dreamers can always help you see the shadow. This shadow can be your fears, your hopes, or the very thing you are resisting, but it is always following you around like an obedient dog.

If Lizard dreamed a space in your cards today, it may be time to look and see what is following along behind you. Is it your fears, your future trying to catch up to you, or is it the part of you that wants to ignore your weaknesses and humanness?

Lizard may be telling you to pay attention to your dreams and their symbols. Make a dream log and record all that you remember. Be sure to pay attention to each individual symbol or recurring pattern. If you do not remember your dreams, you could try setting a music alarm for 2 a.m. or 3 a.m. Or you could try drinking a lot of water before bedtime and allow your bladder to wake you up. Dreams are very important. Pay attention to them.

Source: Medicine Cards: The Discovery of Power Through the Ways of Animals by Jamie Sams and David Carson, Illustrated by Angela C. Werneke.

Here’s from Animal Magick by DJ Conway:

Related to crocodiles and snakes, the lizard family (Sauria or Lacertilia) is found in various parts of the world, except in extremely cold regions. In the western hemisphere they range from Canada to Tierra del Fuego in South America, including the West Indies. In the eastern hemisphere, they are found from Siberia to Africa and Australia. There are more than 3,100 species of these reptiles.

Generally, lizards have a slender body covered by loose skin and fine scales. They shed their skin in patches, at regular intervals. Most of them have four legs with five toes on each foot; an exception is the family of legless lizards – the worm lizards. Unlike a snake, the lower jaw is fused and cannot be opened too wide. They are basically terrestrial animals, but many are very good swimmers.

Although most lizards are less than a foot in length, the monitor lizards (the largest of the species) can be over nine feet long. The frilled lizards expand a fringe of skin around their necks to frighten away attackers. The horned toad has spiny scales and will squirt blood from its eyes when frightened. The gila monster and the beaded lizard are the only poisonous members of this species; they are found in the desert areas of Utah, Nevada, New Mexico, Arizona, and Mexico.

No lizard is truly a water-living creature, although they may enter the water and can swim. They like to bask in the Sun as they are reptiles and are cold-blooded. All lizards are able to grow a new tail if they lose it in an accident. They hear reasonably well and see as well as many mammals.

The myths of Egypt and Greece portrayed the lizard as signifying wisdom and good fortune. This creature was an emblem of both Hermes and Sarapis. The Zoroastrians classified it as an animal of the evil Ahriman.

The lizard appeared in Roman art as a symbol of death and rebirth. Sometimes it took the place of snakes as the genii of a house. If lizards lived under a house, they were fed on milk and crumbs. Their appearance was greeted with happiness, for it meant that good luck was coming.

Among the Polynesians, Moko (King of the Lizards) was worshipped as a god and the protector of fishing, the prime source of food for these people.

There is a type of small lizard known as the alligator lizard which has a powerful gripping action in its jaws. One of our cats found out about this when he accidentally sat on one. The lizard clamped down on the cat’s tail and got quite a ride before he fell off.

Superstitions: This creature had a dual symbolism in Europe. Although it was believed to be a sinister being, it was used in certain love charms. However, many Europeans believe that if a lizard crosses the bride’s path on the way to get married she will never be happy.

Magickal Attributes: Dreams, mental creations. Stop running from your fears and face them. Asking for guidance in facing difficult situations that make you afraid. Understanding dreams.

Chant:

The world of dreams, that nightly place,
Is formed of symbols, great and small.
O Lizard, help me understand
Those symbols that my mind recalls
From other lives and knowledge past
When once I knew what they all meant
Teach me dream symbols once again,
O little lizard, Goddess-sent.

And here’s from Animal Speak by Ted Andrews:

KEYNOTE: subtlety of Perception

Lizard is an animal of great subtlety. Its movements are quick. It has four legs and can run with great speed. Some lizards can live in the house, and they help to control the insect populations. The gecko lizard is one of the few reptiles that has a voice, and this should be meditated upon by anyone that has it as a totem. The Komodo dragon of Indonesia is a monitor lizard, and it is the largest of all lizards. If at all possible, try to identify the kind of lizard and study it individually.

Most lizards have long tails which help them maintain balance and can also serve as a defense mechanism, as you will learn later. Most also have a crested back, ruffs, or spines. These serve as protection but they are also very symbolic. Some have ruffs about the neck. The neck is an area that bridges the higher and the lower, and lizards with them are those that can teach you how to bridge the subconscious with the conscious – dreaming with waking. They can stimulate lucid dreaming.

Those with spines and crests along the spine usually reflect that the sensitivities of the chakras are heightened or about to be. Are you being too sensitive or not sensitive enough? Are you being too picky or are you missing the obvious? It can also reflect that the kundalini or life force is active and flowing strongly, which will heighten all sensitivities – physical, emotional, mental, psychic, and spiritual.

The lizard is the expert at subtle perception. It can sense vibrations through the ground. Its eyes can detect the subtlest of movements, and it has extremely acute hearing. All of these are symbolic of specific forms of clairvoyance practiced in many societies.

A lizard has an ability to recognize the sublest insect movements, and it can remain still or relatively so to mislead its prey or protect itself. This indicates that your intuition and psychic perceptions are either already active or about to be activated more strongly. Pay attention.

There are a number of characteristics that distinguish a lizard from other reptiles. They, too, have a dry skin, and like many, they also have cclaws. They are also sensitive to vibrations in the ground. They feel it with their feet, tail, and body. Their eyes are sharp with an ability to detect the slightest movement around them. They also have acute hearing.

All of these characteristics give it a symbolism associated with the psychic and the intuitive. The ability to perceive subtle movement – physical and ethereal, waking or sleeping – is what lizard medicine teaches. To some within the Native American tradition, the lizard is associated with dreamtime. Dreams contain some of the sublest perceptions of the mind of which we may not be conscious. They are translated to us through dreams to make us more conscious. These can be fears or foreshadowings, but almost always they are the things to which we do not pay attention.

Individuals with a lizard totem should listen to their own intuition over anyone else’s. Lizard usually reflects heightened sensitivity. You feel what others may not. You will see things that others may miss. You will hear things that are not being said. No matter how strange it may seem, learning to follow those perceptions is what will enable you to succeed most frequently.

One of the most significant characteristics of some lizards and their claim to fame is the ability of the tail to come off. A predator may grab for it, its paw landing upon the tail, only to be surprised as the tail breaks off and the lizard scampers to freedom. The lizard then begins the process of growing another in its place.

This detachment is also part of what lizard can teach. They can help us to become more detached in life to survive. Sometimes it is necessary to separate ourselves or part of ourselves from others to be able to do the things we must desire to do. The lizard helps us to awaken that ability for objective detachment so that it can occur with the least amount of difficulty. Lizard can show up to help us break from the past. It may even indicate a need to explore new realms and follow your own impulses before you get swallowed up in what is not beneficial for you.

Like most reptiles, the lizard will often bask in the sun. It is cold-blooded, and it needs the warmth of the sun to stay warm. This basking is often a feigned sleep, and it serves a secondary purpose of fooling insects that may mistakenly come too close. This ability of feigning sleep while basking in the sun is sometimes related to controlling the sleep state — especially dreams. Lizard, as mentioned earlier, is the totem that can help us understand and use this state more effectively.

As mentioned at the beginning of this post, this information is being presented for Pat, a reader of this blog who has inquired about Lizard. Each source has been cited, as this is obviously a direct copy from the books I have on hand and is not intented to appear as my own unique writing.

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This strikes a chord with the last comment I’d made in this morning’s coffee thoughts – that I could feel a portal opening in front of me and things would become clear.  The Moon in Tarot signifies illusion, or moving through a shadow realm.  Things feel more fearful, more emotional, more uncertain. 

Walking through the woods during the day, we can rejoice in their beauty, take in with delight the songs of the birds, play with pine cones, and enjoy the woods for what they are.  But walk through the woods at night? Suddenly you feel like you’ve been sucked into the Blair Witch Project and everything makes you fearful.  Senses are hightened.  We become aware of every sound as if they signify attack, and we’re aleart for any dangers (including those that aren’t real!).  This is the feeling we have when we’re under the influence of The Moon in Tarot.

The fact that this card is inverted today makes me feel as though the energy of this card is waning, moving away… as though sunrise is about to happen.  It’s always darkest before the dawn – and things have been very dark in Wendiland lately – on all counts, every plane, each dimension from romance to work to domestic situations to physical health.  The viel is about to be lifted, though – and I take this card as a sign that it’ll be lifting soon. In the Tarot, the card that comes right after the moon is The Sun!

Here’s what the other sources say:

From LearnTarot.com:

feeling fear
releasing inner demons
feeling a nameless apprehension
suffering from phobias
giving in to the shadow self
lacking courage
being overcome by anxieties 

believing illusions
accepting a false picture
deceiving yourself
having unrealistic ideas
misapprehending the truth
experiencing distortions
chasing after a fantasy 

stimulating the imagination
having vivid dreams or visions
opening to fantasy
plumbing the unconscious
entertaining unusual thoughts
being outlandish and bizarre 

feeling bewildered
losing direction and purpose
having trouble thinking clearly
becoming confused
being easily distracted
feeling disoriented
wandering aimlessly

Sadly, we are usually afraid of the Moon. In readings, this card often stands for fears and anxieties – the ones that come in the darkest part of the night. Card 18 also stands for illusions. It is easy to lose our way in the moonlight. Be careful not to let deceptions and false ideas lead you astray. Sometimes the Moon is a signal that you are lost and wandering aimlessly. You must find your way back to the path and your clarity of purpose.

If you look around the room right now, you will (probably!) see people and objects that are comforting in their familiarity. Everything is exactly as you expect it to be. You know that if you closed your eyes and opened them, the room would be the same. But…have you ever lost the familiar to find, in its place, a world so extraordinary you can’t even grasp it? This is the experience of the Moon.

Most of the time we live in a tiny pocket of normality that we wrap around us like a security blanket. We turn our backs on the mysterious universe that waits outside. From time to time we may sneak a peak with our imagination, or venture out through fantasy or expanded awareness. We can be thrust out there unprepared through drugs, madness or intense experiences such as battle.

The Moon is the light of this realm – the world of shadow and night. Although this place is awesome, it does not have to be frightening. In the right circumstances, the Moon inspires and enchants. It holds out the promise that all you imagine can be yours. The Moon guides you to the unknown so you can allow the unusual into your life.

From AeclecticTarot:

THE MOON

Basic Card Symbols

A full moon (with a crescent within), twin pillars, two dogs/wolves howling, a stream that runs to the ocean, a crayfish emerging out of the water.

Basic Tarot Story

Following the star the Fool travels through the night. The full Moon rises, illuminating for him a watery path. And he begins to feel disoriented, as if walking in his sleep. He passes under the moon, between two pillars ancient and strange. Suddenly, he looks around to find himself in another land entirely. When he was in the presence of the High Priestess, he saw hints of this dark land through the sheer veil draped behind her throne. And later, when he hung from the tree, he felt himself between the physical world and this one. Now, he has at last passed behind the veil. Here are the mysteries he sought, at least, here are the dark mysteries, ones that have to do with the most primal and ancient powers; powers of nature, not of civilization. It is a land poets, artists, musicians and madmen know well, a terrifying, alluring place, with very different rules. Wolves, howling in homage to the moon, run wild across this land, hunting along side maidens with bow and arrows; and creatures from childhood nightmares and fantasies peer from shadows, eyes glowing.

The path the Fool was walking is now a river, and he stands hip-deep in the powerful pull of its salty, moonlit waters. There is, on the nearby shore, a small boat, but it has no rudder, no oar. The Fool realizes he has only two choices. He can lose himself in this desolate, primal land of madness and illusion, howl with the wolves, be hunted down, or he can get into the boat, and trust himself to the river. The moon will be in control either way, but in the boat, his surrender to the powers of the unconscious and the natural world will at least take him somewhere. As the artists and poets and magicians know, inspiration, visions, genius, Moon magic, are the rewards of such surrender. The Fool gets into the boat, and shoves off. As the waters sweep him away, moon beams light his “path” and he feels the Mistress of this dark land gazing down at him with the High Priestess’s approving eyes.

 

Basic Meaning

With Pisces as its ruling sign, the Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. The Querent who gets this card should be warned that they may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if they have any past mental problems, they must be vigilant in taking their medication. They should avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. They can and should trust their intuition.

Thirteen’s Observations

This is the card of that scary, dreamy, secret otherworld where lies the most powerful and dark magic. Primal magic. It is the card that you’d get for Jackson Pollack types, switching between being wild, mean, crazy drunks and creative geniuses. They have wicked mood swings, dark, dark, dark depressions, charming manic modes. They have no inhibitions, don’t even try to behave themselves in polite society, their crazy behavior sometimes inspired, sometimes horribly embarrassing, even unbelievable and even dangerous. But the art, poetry, music they produce….it’s magic. When I get this card, I let the Querent know they’re in for an emotional and mental rollercoaster ride. They can do two things, either wander through this crazy, lunatic landscape howling at the moon (get drunk, wallow in depression, alienate friends and family with wild, antisocial behavior), or get in a boat and go through it purposefully (paint something!).

From Solitary Witch: Book of Shadows for the Next Generation by Silver Raven Wolf:

Intuition; deception; night work; hidden dangers; instinct; struggle for sanity; change; possible confusion; magick; gossip; stuck between a rock and a hard place; self-esteem issues; empathetic. Astrological association: Pisces.

And, from Numerology and the Divine Triangle by Faith Javane and Dusty Bunker:

As a temporary vibration: Caution, dreaming, healing, body care. You must slow down the fast pace of your life. You need to pay more attention to your bodily needs; therefore, exercise outdoors, eat properly and get sufficient sleep.

Your dreams are active now, and any sleeplessness you experience is the product of an extremely vivid imagination. New plans and ideas are forming in your mind. Do not start new projects, but rather allow the ideas to germinate. They will blossom at a later date. Maintain your present status while considering changes, such as new occupation.

Healing forces are working beneath the surface, and your health can improve if you allow periods of quiet conteimplation to calm your mind. Your thoughts have a potent control over your bodily processes now.

Sign documents carefully or not at all, if possible. Be on guard against deception in business and difficulties in personal affairs. Family quarrels and accidents are caused by rashness or carelessness. Travel is not advisable. Mental unsettledness can bring a physical illness. Wars and revolutions are brought on by such vibrations.

You have a unique opportunity to organize your life now. Set your environment in order, clean your house, organize your desk, finish up odds and ends. Such actions will direct your subconscious to set itself in order as well. Then your dreams and visions will express the future direction you should follow.

Tarot Symbolism: Key 18: The Moon. Evolutionary growth and development come under key 18. The keywords are organization and sleep. The function of the Moon is sleep, and during sleep, waste is eliminated and new materials are woven into the body. Consciousness continues while the upper brain cels rest. It is during sleep that our aspirations and efforts are being built into the body cells. What we think and do all day goes on influencing the body while we sleep. Every cell is a center of consciousness, and every cell contains spirit. Astrologically, Pisces, the final sign of the zodiac, rules this key.

The shellfish coming out of the water represents the lower form of existence. Shaped like a scorpion, it indicates the creative force starting on the path of return, which leads to the mountain of attainment. The narrow path implies that concentration is necessary. It goes up, then down, but always rises higher at the next step. It is meant to show that spiritual unfoldment does not come all at once, but rather progresses gradually.

The dog and wolf are of the same species, but one is wild and the other is domesticated (depicting nature aided by human consciousness). The towers are human handiwork. The thirty-two rays of the Moon iindicate the thirty-two paths on the Tree of Life, and the faling yods represent the decent of the life force from a higher plane into the material world. Many symbols here show that we can change the outward structure of things. They are proof that the same changes may be accomplished within the body through organization and cultivation.

Astrological correspondence: The Sun (and Pisces). The test of Saturn (8) is energized and supported by Mars (1), resulting in full attainment and realization (9, The Sun).

With the combination of the Sun and Pisces, final completion is possible under this number. The Sun, representing true individuality finds its own true identity in key 18, which symbolizes body consciousness. By combining body consciousness and control with realization of one’s self, all things are possible.

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Today is:
September 17, 2008

*Harvest Day

Today’s Coffee Thoughts & Dreamscapes: Mesmerizing Mountains, Seductive Sands
Today’s Tarot Card: 4 of Swords, Inverted (rest and healing)
Today’s Fairy Oracle: Visualization (opening the psychic eye)
Today’s Animal Medicine Card: Lizard (dreaming)
Today’s Tao Card: Like a Child (innocence and trust)

Wednesday:
Governed by Mercury: study, travel, divination, wisdom

The Moon:
3rd Quarter Waning in Aries; void of course @ 5:26 p.m., enters Taurus @ 7:56 p.m. (US CENTRAL)

Waning Moon: From Full Moon to New Moon is a time for study, meditation, and magical work designed to banish harmful energies.

Moon in Aries: Good for starting things. Things occur rapidly, but quickly pass. People tend to be argumentative and assertive.

Moon Void of Course: Just before the Moon enters a new sign, it will make one final aspect (angular relationship) to another planet. Between that last aspect and the entrance of the Moon into the next sign, it is said to be void-of-course. Activities begun when the Moon is void-of-course rearely come to fruition, or they turn out very differently than planned.

Moon in Taurus: Things begun now last longest, tend to increase in value, and become hard to change. Brings out an appreciation for beauty and sensory experience.

Source: Llewllyn’s Witches’ Datebook 2008

The Sun:
Virgo, The Virgin

The Principle of Discernment and Boundaries

Element-Earth
Quality-Mutable
Symbol-The Virgin
Sun Sign Dates-August 24 to September 23
Planetary Ruler-Mercury
Natural Zodiac Affinity-Sixth House

Virgo has a mission. The mission of Virgo is to separate what is useful from that which is not useful. This is called discernment. This is a sign that needs to feel a sense of usefulness and purpose. Someone needs to create order from chaos. They’ve earned a reputation for being too critical. Don’t take their criticism personally. Everyone and everything is subject to the same scrutiny. Those who are comfortable in chaos will not last long around Virgo. Their perfectionist drive comes from their innermost being. They may seem picky and uptight to other people but the reason why Virgo can get so uptight is because theirs is a never-ending job. There is always work to be done and so much of it is not fully appreciated by other people. Remember, Virgo has a large contribution to make to the world. Do you want your dentist to be a slob? Do you want to sleep on unchanged sheets in a hotel room? Do you care if the cook washes his hands? Virgo has taken on the job of worry and concern over the everyday duties that actually make life liveable in so many unseen ways. Virgo is the civilizing effect on mankind.

Virgo is into reality. They don’t dream about what is possible- they do it. If the five senses cannot detect it, then what use is that? Virgo has a talent for logical analysis. Virgo and Gemini are both ruled by Mercury. Virgo sorts through the Gemini function which takes in everything. It sorts through it and files away that which may be used later if necessary then tosses out that which has no use. Pure Virgo energy always knows where the scissors are. A place for everything and everything in it’s place. If you won’t do it, then they will. Virgo likes to help. It’s a service-oriented sign.

Thank a Virgo today for being humble enough to do what needs to be done. For taking the time to fuss over the small details which enhance the quality of life in so many practical ways.

Pure Virgo energy is….
* an instinctive talent for analyzing things in a logical manner
* creating order from chaos
* leans towards worry and concern
* seeking perfection
* geared towards getting the job done
* wants to feel useful
* fact oriented-leans towards skepticism until proven
* usually feels that “cleanliness is next to godliness.”
* a lot of mental anxiety over outcomes
* detail oriented
* learning to draw boundaries and to say, “no”
* the craftsman/craftswoman

Source: http://www.skyviewzone.com/astrology/virgosign.htm

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Had a difficult night last night.  Was irritated because I was supposed to switch Internet companies yesterday – a bundle package with Broadband, Dish T.V. and home telephone.  The technician showed up at about noon and the first words out of his mouth when I opened the front door were, “Ya’all don’t get Broadband out here through our company.”

I ended up cancelling the whole order. There’s only one company that offers Broadband where I live, and I’ve got them… and they suck! *sigh*

Tried to lay down for a nap, but the phone kept ringing… verification calls from the cancelled order.  Really, people?  Three times you have to call just to ask, “Do you really want to cancel your order?” Ugh!

When the phone quit ringing, I tried to lay down again.  This time, the dogs went nuts.  Barking, yelping, whining… what the hell?  I yell out the window a few times, which usually quiets them down, but they kept on.  Something’s out there.  I get out of bed, slip on my son’s flip flops which were conveniently left where they don’t belong by the front door, and headed out to fetch the pups.  They ran from one side of the kennel (the inside) to the other (the outside), all attention focused on one spot.  I see Bella-Beltane in attack mode… tail wagging frantically, front legs bent with paws pinning something.  Nose to the ground, ass in the air.  Sirius doesn’t care, but Odin runs in the opposite direction as Honey dances in circles hoping Bella will share.

“What have you got, Bella? Let it go!”

I walk to Bella… it’s a turtle, tucked safely in its shell.

Turtle magick, eh? I make mental note, but don’t bother to look it up or post it.  I only envy its ability to crawl into its own shell.

Back in the house with all four dogs, I tried to finish my traffic school… ya know, the online course – but, of course, my Internet connection sucks and the course kept freezing in Lesson Two, Section Three.  I repeated the same section six times, and it kept getting stuck in the same place.  Clicked the “life support chat” icon.  Window pops up, “Hi, this is Brenda. How can I help  you?”

“Brenda, my course keeps freezing in Lesson Two, Section Three.”

No reply.

“Brenda?”

No reply.

“H E L L O!”

No reply.

Ter-friggin-riffic.

Sat at my desk staring into space for a long time.  I had tons of books I could have read, but was uninspired to read a single one.  Had two numerology reports to do, didn’t do them.  Finally, I wrote a bit of poetry (which seems to have been inspired by yesterday’s Tarot Card), then put myself to bed where I’d procede to toss and turn until the sheets, blankets, and pillows were on the floor.

Dreamed I was driving up a mountain.  The color and context of the mountain were unique.  Soft sand, the color of … darker than mocha but lighter than chocolate and a cross between gray and brown.  The sand was mesmerizing… captivating.  It held my attention.  There were stone caps on the mountain – and by stone, I mean crystal, but the color of Coca-Cola.  Light reflected from the crystal caps and I was bedazzled. Bewitched. Intrigued. It was a hypnotic effect.  Two times within the dream I nearly drove off the road.  Sirius was in the car with me, also entranced by the sand and the crystal capped mountain. It was seriously hypnotic and took my attention off the car. I had to struggle to stay focused and on the road.

At the top of the mountain was a school, and I was called to the principal’s office on account of my daughter.  She wasn’t in trouble.  On the contrary, she was being acknoweldged for outstanding behavior.  Her class had taken a field trip to a mall.  Two of her friends wanted to steal books from the bookstore.  Stinkerbelle refused.  Angry and frustrated with her “friends”, she walked away.  The two other girls got caught stealing. 

The dream flashed.  I was with my ex-husband, scouting apartments.  We were arguing and he kept telling me how expensive I was, how many sacrifices he’d made for me and my kids, and how much he didn’t want to stay in the state we were in.  I told him to leave.  He did.  The apartment he left us in was a bit run down, but had potential.  They didn’t allow pets and I was trying to figure out how I could convince the landlord otherwise, or hide my dogs, ’cause I wasn’t about to part ways with them.

The alarm went off, and I woke up with thoughts of the crystal peaks and strange colored sand, knowing that there was significance to them that I do not understand.  It reminded me a little bit of that one movie… Strange Encounters, is it?

Kids just left for school, first cup of coffee has been consumed, and I have about 2 hours and 20 minutes to do a full daily dose before I have to shower and leave for work.  Long days today and tomorrow, then a full day of readings with clients on Friday.  Company picnic with Mom on Saturday, then disgusting fourteen hour day Sunday at work, and another long one on Monday.  Sirius to the vet on Tuesday, and the cycle repeats.

Going to refill the coffee, then do the Daily Dose.

Life is good.

W

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All sheets, pillows, and comfortors were on the floor when I woke this morning, and I found myself lying on a bare mattress, shivering. We don’t have air conditioning.  All I had was open windows and a few fans. That’s one of the differences between Vegas and Kentucky.  In Vegas, it doesn’t matter what time of day it is in summer… you sweat! In Kentucky, the mornings are cool all year round.

In my dream, I was taking a tour of a huge house.  It had recently be redesigned and I was there to be shown the “after” version.  I remember getting lost in the house it was so big.  There were several sets of stairs, at least half a dozen bathrooms, if not more, and just as many bedrooms.  There was a den, a library, and a few additional “sitting rooms” aside from the bedrooms.  There was a swimming pool. I remember thinking it was very Feng Shui the way the stair cases were rounded instead of at a straight angle.  The archways were too, as was the furniture – round, not square. Soft, not rigid.  The colors were a combination of warm and cool, but each was as comfortable as the last, and all were inviting.

Clearly, it wasn’t my house – nothing about it was similar to mine, nor did it match any home I’d considered buying. However, I do know that when you dream of being inside of a house, you’re actually traveling inward, visiting your own inner sanctuary – the temple of the soul.

It was a clear reflection – an awareness that I am currently under construction, being remodeled from the inside out – not necessarily in need of repairs, not out of order, but being improved upon – providing a platform for better energy flow.

There were a few outside triggers for the dream.  Naturally, the last thing on my mind when I went to bed was this house and how much work it’s going to need if it’s ever going to feel like home.  I was also thinking about the house we didn’t get and how it will never be home.  I’ve decided I’m okay with that – because as much as the kids fell in love with that house, there were a few things about it that fell short in my book.  It didn’t have a front porch – and I’m so all about front porch sitting!  It didn’t have a fireplace, and even though I could have had one installed, I just felt like the next home I purchased will have a fireplace.  The other outside influence was the movie Fracture.  The house featured in that film was much more of a mansion – very modern and upper scale, clean cut.  T and I talked about its shape, its style, and what we did or didn’t like about it.  It took me a few minutes to put my finger on it, but then I said, “I don’t like it because it’s too straight-lined.  Everything is square or flat – even the swimming pool.  Too “block” like.  Nothing “flowed”.

So, I awake with the understanding that while everything is changing, everything is staying the same – and in that paradox, I’m being remodeled.  New interior design.

Okay… I’m good with that.  I always appreciate a good opportunity to evolve.

When I woke, I realized I’d overslept by an hour.  While dreaming, I managed to turn off my alarm clock. I have exactly one hour to whip through a Daily Dose and make my bed – then it’s hit the showers and off to work.

Life is good.

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Oddly enough, one of the last comments I’d made in last night’s rambles was that I hadn’t been dreaming the weird dreams.  Not so odd, Monday nights are known for their prophetic or insightful dreams.  Wouldn’t ya know it that it’d be a Monday that I have the odd dreams again…

Last night’s dreams were odd, but I know they’ve come from a deeper place and are meant to be causing reflection of sorts.  They weren’t scary or bizzarre, but they were… eh hem… capable of shaking me a bit. It makes me uncomfortable, and I’d like to ignore them and just carry on with the day as if they never happened… but I know better. I promised myself when I started this blog that I’d be honest and include it all – the good, the bad, and the ugly. Keeping it real, I’m keepin’ on keepin’ on with keepin’ promises to myself.

The dream was much like Scrooge and his ghosts of Christmas – only mine, of course (eye roll), was ghosts of Love.  Oddly enough, it wasn’t just a journey into the past revisiting the relationships I’ve tried and failed, but also glimpses into what could have been the future if those relationships had succeeded (which turns out to have been more of a failure) – and also a sneak peak into what could have been if other “seeds” of relationships would have sprouted rather than die out. I woke up being grateful that the past is the past, but it naturally made me question what I thought I was doing in the past.  Why did things look so clear when they were really so clouded? Why did I see bad as good? Why was I willing to self-sacrifice for people that didn’t really care about me at all? Why did I think I was “in love” when love had nothing to do with it?

Part of the reason, I think, is that I didn’t always get into relationships for the sake of love. Oh, I thought I did… don’t get me wrong.  Early on, I confused attention with love.  A compliment would have been all it took to get me to do a double take and throw out a flirtatious grin.  Obviously, back in those days, my self-esteem was shot all to hell.  I didn’t consider myself “worthy” of being “chosen” – not by anyone I felt worthy of choosing, so I guess I took what I could get. Not that the people I chose were “lesser” beings – but that I knew we weren’t suited for each other in the long run.  That was way early on, though… like pre-teen and teen.  After that, I confused sex and love – and the only thing of value that came from that lessonn is my children (no regrets!) –  well, and the awareness that sex and love are not synonymous.  Beyond those lessons, I found myself choosing people I could manipulate.  Not in a mean or bad way, mind you – but people who didn’t mind letting me call the shots, so to speak. I found out pretty quickly that wasn’t beneficial for anyone involved.

What’s the point in these not-so-private but maybe they should be confessions? Well, the dream is asking me to pause… to look at myself, my past, my present, and my future from an outside perspective. Maybe I’ve over-used the word Love.  I didn’t mean to – I thought I meant it when I said it… but ten, fifteen, twenty years later, I’m able to identify what it really was… and it wasn’t love. I’m being asked to identify what I’d willingly sacrifice or won’t for the sake of being accepted or being loved.  It’s taken me derned near 36 years of living, trying, failing, and trying again to figure out that I cannot, should not, and will not change who I am for the sake of another.  I am who I am… like it, or don’t. On the same token, I’ve learned not to try to change others.  I used to… I used to try to “fix” my partners.  “If only they’d….. they’d be perfect”.  Not true… nor is “perfect”. They are who they are… I either like them, or don’t.

It wasn’t a bad dream and I don’t wish it never happened… it’s just catapulted the day in a strange direction.  Here I am awake at 7:45 when I thought I’d sleep much later, thinking about things in a new way.

People confuse love with so many things.  Attention, acceptance, “ownership”, companionship, sex, familiarity.  It’s not just me – I’ve seen it done time and time again by others, too. Co-dependency isn’t love, and it seems to be the most common misconception.  It’s that “I can’t live without you” mindset.  Well, I’ve yet to meet a person who I couldn’t live without.  I may have preferred being with them… but being without them wasn’t the end of me.

So I start the day asking an incredibly poignant question – perhaps one I should have asked myself many moons ago: How do you define Love?

Not only is it important for us to have an understanding of how WE define love, but it’s equally important, I think, to understand how our partners define love.  Are the definitions compatible, or do they leave room for one to become the martar? “I did this, this and this… because I love you.  And you can’t even do that for me? If you loved me, you’d do this…”

I shake my head with a sour face at that thought.

It’ll be interesting to see how the cards surface today with thoughts like this in play.  And on that note, I’m off to engage in a Daily Dose.

*head rattle*

Life is good.

W

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This must be one of the strangest dreams I’ve ever had in my life…

Word had come out that The Simpsons cartoon was to be cancelled.  The reason this was significant is that apparently MY LIFE was being created simultaneously by Matt Groening, creator of The Simpsons – who, in the dream, was played by  Dan Castellaneta – who, in reality, is the voice of Homer Simpson and several other Simpsons characters.  However, in the dream, Dan Castellaneta shifted from his true image to that of Christopher Lloyd, and in the end, took the shape of Elton John. By cancelling The Simpsons, my life was also being cancelled.

It was all a mystery at first.  Strange things started happening and we couldn’t figure out why.  We’d go out in the garage one day and it’d look like a different garage, or there’d be things in it that didn’t belong there.  Or, we’d step into a spot on the floor of the house only to “slip into the hole” because the INK for that “drawing” hadn’t dried yet.  Slowly but surely, it was T who figured out that my life was being sketched out as a cartoon by the same guy sketching out The Simpsons.  My job, then, was to seek out Matt Groening  and convince him that he couldn’t stop “creating” my life.  That’s when things really got weird.

He began taunting me by threatening to “erase” certain “characters” from my life, or forcing me to choose between them.  Machinery started acting odd… and by odd, I mean things like the tiller chasing me around the yard while a voice cackled and said, “How do you want to die?”

The only sense of calm in the dream came in the form of a cat.  She was silver – not quite an adult, but not a kitten.  She laid on her back and wrapped her paws around my arm to encourage me to pet her.  I wanted to keep her, but I knew better – so I started sleeping out on the porch hoping she’d choose to sleep with me. She felt like a guardian.

I remember two women in the dream… one was A whose cards I read the other day, the other was TL, the other woman whose cards I read the same day.  Funnily enough, they were sitting at a table together playing cards.  I remember telling them, excitedly, that I was off to find Matt Groening and convince him not to cancel the Simpsons because that’s why everything in my own life was going wrong.  I remember them both laughing…. not that my life turned out to be a cartoon, but because they didn’t believe I’d be able to keep The Simpsons on the air.

Just as I’d convinced Matt Groening – who looked like Dan Castellaneta, Christopher Lloyd, and Elton John, that I was worth saving, he looked at me and said, “Okay… one more season. Let’s see what you can do with it.”

Then I woke up.

It was 4:30. I’d been asleep for 3 1/2 hours!  What a nap!

I’m sure some of it had to do with the fact that I was sleeping in a strange bed in a strange room in my own house… all provided by T, who is a major ever-lovin’ fan of the Simpsons… and I’m sure some if it had to do with this morning’s posts and influences… but what a strange way to “adjust” to my current circumstance!

 

I need coffee.

(DOH!)

W

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