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Archive for July, 2008

It’s Go Time

I’ve been waiting for today.  I slept a little longer than I should have. It’s amazing how much difference 1/2 an hour can make.  I feel a bit hurried this morning.  The coffee is especially good.

The house is so quiet and peaceful, and the air is so cool, I wish I could sit here all day and play with words, organize thoughts, and nestle into myself.  Such is not the case, though. I have a nine hour shift today, the last day of my work week – and when I clocked out last night (an hour early!), I’d already worked 39 hours for the week.  If I’m out right on time tonight, which never happens on a Thursday, I’ll complete 48 hours for the week. I usually go at least one hour over on Thursdays… and today, I don’t wanna.  I wanna bail out early and rush (but not speed!) home to get the weekend under way.  There’s a weekend getaway brewing, and they do me more good than I could possibly translate.

The first time I got to go away with T, it was just the two of us. He took me to his sister’s place and gave me a tour of an enchanted forest. We also got to go meet his cousin in West Virginia, where he took me to a metaphysical shop much like the one I’d like to someday open.  The second time we went away, we took Stinkerbelle and went to meet his mother and his other 3 sisters.  Went back a third time… fishing, shooting, visiting amazing trees, playing games with his family.  This time, Stinkerbelle is out of town and Rhythm is home… so we get to do it all again and Rhythm gets to share the experience.  He’s excited and looking forward to it.

So, this morning, I have to throw a few things in a back pack and have everything ready before I leave for work.  Later this evening, T will come out to the house and hang with Rhythm until I get home.  As soon as I get home, I’ll change quickly out of uniform, throw the backpack in the truck, grab the c.d. case, and it’s outta here for the weekend! I managed to get Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off… and heaven knows I need it.

That being said, I’m opting out of the Daily Dose this morning, and won’t be online again until Monday.  It’ll be the last weekend trip for a while since summer vacation is coming to a close and the kids are returning to school.  I’ll also be going through an 8 week training program for the promotion I’m applying for to become a trainer at work.  Then there’s the move… so the weekend adventures will cease.  I’m looking forward to enjoying the hell out of this one!

Life is good.

W

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A day late and a dollar short, but here nonetheless… facing the facts. Where am I now compared to where I was at the beginning of this month?

In the Self position, I drew the Wheel of Fortune, a reminder that life is ever changing and that I must learn to roll with the punches, taking the good and the bad with equal stride.  I’d say the energy of this card has been well reflected in my recent rambles, particularly about feeling disconnected and like time is slipping through my fingers.  In fact, in my last post, I said I felt like the world is melting around me and that I feel vulnerable.  So much is changing.  Not long ago I wrote about how I feel a complete transformation taking place… awareness of my kids growing up, new relationships, potential move, dreams of my magick shoppe… nothing fully manifested, yet manifestation is in progress.  I try to consciously navigate through my life, but every once in a while I feel caught up in a whirlwind – and now is one of those times, so this card’s presence in this month’s reading is incredibly accurate and taking place right now in the present.

Card two, Situation, painted the perfect picture of who I’ve been this month.  ““The Queen of Coins is endowed with enormous good sense and problem-solving energy, but she is not entrepreneurial. She loves to advise, encourage, and empower those she gets involved with, studying their problems with them and setting them up to solve it. Traditionally she is the Sibyl or Oracle, perhaps a Tarot reader, who made herself available to people in need, no matter what social class or situation they came from. In modern times, she will be found educating, healing, managing disaster aid programs and handling the money from a charity drive.
In every case, she does not see the benefits that exist in her life as belonging solely to her. She feels the needs of “her people” and will spend freely of her time, energy, skills, money to see that nobody is abandoned. For this, and because she likes to work in an atmosphere of beauty, enjoyment, and abundance, she is sometimes accused of being profligate. But she works hard, and she sees no reason to deny the rewards of a job well done! Everyone who comes in contact with her feels enriched by her obvious enjoyment in living.”

When not working as a waitress, I’ve been filling in my off time by doing Tarot readings for others- and I’ve done several this month.  On the same token (no punn intended), I’ve been thinking a lot about the fact that I really don’t want to be a waitress, but would much rather open my own magick shoppe, write the articles I know want me to write them, do tarot readings, and be true to who I am.  Yet, I’m scared of business – of what I don’t know, because as this card accurately described, I am not an entrepeneur.  I’m good at certain things, but I also am well aware of where I fall short, particularly when it comes to managing a business.  Yet, this card tells me its time to get into action… to work at manifesting what I need – so again, I believe this card is still currently in play, not something that waned during the first two weeks of the month.

Card three, Challenge, is one I believe has not fully manifested yet.  It does speak of all the change, and it does account for all the energy I know I’ve been puting “out there”, but I’ve not yet hit the point where I’m feeling the returns.  Here’s what the card said, in part:

“Long labor produces what appears to others to be an effortless result. The price of success is continued exertion.
The Eight of Wands in this position is testing how well you anticipated the tremendous results you are getting from your efforts. When you put yourself in harmony with natural forces, you are furthered by their energetically supportive response. This card, sometimes named “The Garden,” suggests the kind of long labor that bears, at the end of the season, what appears to be a natural cornucopia. The point is that your ambitious vision and devoted labors may give you even better results than you dared dream. Now you have more decisions to make, more details to secure, more work to accomplish — but that is the price of success.

General Meaning: “The Eight of Wands often shows a flight of spears or staffs moving through the air in formation, as if a hidden group of archers had let fly all at once. The title of the card will often echo the idea of swiftly unfolding events, whether of intentional design or unpremeditated. There are also versions which emphasize the agricultural cycle, paralleling the yearly crop cycle with the swift growth of children into adults with children of their own. In each case, the emphasis is on the necessity of change and the challenge of keeping up with it. With the turning of the seasons we are constantly being plunged into precipitous change, and there is no remedy but to live with that in mind. Speed up! Get Busy! Do it now! There is no time to waste!”

It’s out there… it just hasn’t returned.  I’m sure that will be showing up in the next two weeks, especially since I’m due to find out what’s going on with my housing situation, and since I have an interview at work on Monday to be considered for promotion to  trainer.

Card 4, Foundation, pointed to an ability to draw to me the support that I need in my endeavors, and I’m finding that to be very much true. Particularly through my tarot readings, I’m having opportunities to meet people I wouldn’t have otherwise met – and some of them have inspired me into action and enlightenment as much as my readings have done for them.  I can see a support network manifesting, although it’s still in its infancy.

Card Five, recent past, spoke of the fool, and I know exactly what it meant and where it applied.  For too big of a chunk of my life, I was willing to blind myself to certain truths and willingly swallow down lies. I would justify certain things or allow certain excuses because I didn’t want to see the reality of the situation, even though others tried to caution me.  Lesson learned… an expensive lesson, but lesson learned.  And yes… I did feel very much the fool.

Card six, higher power, asked me to reserve judgment – and that, I have (although I just pulled an internal trigger by realizing I’ve pulled the Judgment card twice so far this month!).  Perhaps that reserve is why I’ve been resisting the advice of position ten, the two of cups, suggesting that I express my feelings.  I’m still in that “do nothing” phase… and comfortably so. Okay, that’s a lie… it’s not comfortably so.  But safely so, just the same.

Position 7, near future, suggested that something of great value would be given to me.  I do feel I’ve already received several things of great value, although not necessarily monetarily. Yet, instinctively, I know that’s not what this card was pointing to, and I believe it hasn’t yet manifested.  It’ll be interesting to see what unfolds in the next two weeks.

Card 8, blocks and inhibitions, cautions me against placing blame, and encourages me to take responsibility for my part in things. I have, to a degree, which is still lingering in feeling the fool – I know I played my role in creating consequence – and I really don’t have much of a victim mentality.  However, I can see where instead of just bucking up and buckling down, I’ve had a tendency to get pissy… especially with the Universe.  Hell, i can’t remember if it was this month or last where I threatened to have an all out temper tantrum if the universe didn’t cut me some slack. *smirks* – I’ll continue pondering this one.

Card 9 in the Friends and Alies position showed Death… and I think I understand it.  Someone I thought of as my best friend has been completely cut out of my life… gone.  I said to someone just the other day, “I don’t have friends… and that’s on purpose.  I’m not good at being a friend, and I’m apparently not very good at choosing them, so it’s easier for me, especially with my schedule, just to be solitary.”  I think the card in this position meant that I should see this proverbial death as my friend rather than the enemy.  The Grim Reaper has come a calling – but only to strip away the parts of me that were inauthentic and needed to die off anyway.  It’s a shedding of skin, one that’s necessary, so I can emerge from the situation as a whole being – and one of truth.

Two of Cups in the Advice position is the one I’ve been struggling with so much this month.  I’ve got a foot on each side of the border and I’m just not sure which direction I’m supposed to go.  I’m in no way confused over what I feel… but I’m completely inside out and up-side-down over what I’m supposed to do about what I feel, and whether or not its appropriate to talk about it.  I cheated a little bit, tried to take the easy way out and shared the tarot reading (specifically this card)… but have been unable to vocalize anything… I am happy with how things are and don’t want to damage them by going all girly emotional.  I think I’m waiting to be invited… and until I’m invited to share what I feel, I’m inclined to keep it to myself – although I’m sure it’s no secret.

Long term potential for July showed me the Hermit, and that makes absolute perfect sense to me. In fact, I relate so well to this card that I once wrote a poem about him called The Hermit’s Cave. I’ve been The Hermit for quite some time… and I don’t foresee that changing.  I think that’s reflected all throughout this blog.

So, I can see what’s currently in play, I can easily admit to what’s already taken place, and I’m aware of what’s still to transpire over the next few weeks.

To sum it up in song, this is where I am in the middle of July:

“Breakdown”

Jack Johnson

I hope this old train breaks down
Then I could take a walk around
And, see what there is to see
And time is just a melody
All the people in the street
Walk as fast as their feet can take them
I just roll through town
And though my windows got a view
The frame I’m looking through
Seems to have no concern for now
So for now

I need this
Old train to breakdown
Oh please just
Let me please breakdown

This engine screams out loud
Centipede gonna crawl westbound
So I don’t even make a sound
Cause it’s gonna sting me when I leave this town
All the people in the street
That I’ll never get to meet
If these tracks don’t bend somehow
And I got no time
That I got to get to
Where I don’t need to be
So I

I need this
Old train to breakdown
Oh please just
Let me please breakdown
I need this
Old train to breakdown
Oh please just
Let me please breakdown
I wanna break on down
But I cant stop now
Let me break on down

But you cant stop nothing
If you got no control
Of the thoughts in your mind
That you kept in, you know
You don’t know nothing
But you don’t need to know
The wisdoms in the trees
Not the glass windows
You cant stop wishing
If you don’t let go
But things that you find
And you lose, and you know
You keep on rolling
Put the moment on hold
The frames too bright
So put the blinds down low

I need this
Old train to breakdown
Oh please just
Let me please breakdown
I need this
Old train to breakdown
Oh please just
Let me please breakdown
I wanna break on down
But I cant stop now

(Lyrics Source)

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Time for T

Ya know, although I’ve mentioned him considerably in this blog, and have written one piece specifically for him, I’ve not shared much about T here in this public forum. I’ve avoided it and anticipated it simultaneously.

Some have asked – particularly those who knew me when and who know me still, but who have missed all that’s gone on betwen then and now.  Who is T?

Because we’ve taken several trips together now, I’ve had ample opportunity (of which I’ve taken full advantage), to take lots of snapshots of him.  I have pictures of him driving, fishing, standing next to trees. I have pictures of him playing games with his family… and all the while I was taking them, I had every intention of sharing them here.  Why? Because for whatever reason and for however long, the Universe has blessed me with him as part of my life. Yet, when it came time to share… when I sat here looking through the pictures and thinking of what I’d say about him, something held me back.

I thought perhaps it was respect for his privacy that stopped me, so I showed him the pictures I had and asked if he’d mind if I posted them.  Naturally, he didn’t like any of the photos I’d taken… not well enough to have them posted online, anyway.  To my delight, however, he did furnish me with one he had.  I smiled from ear to ear as he told me I could do whatever I wanted with it… crop it, resize it, post it.  But oddly enough, I left that photo sitting on his coffee table and I drove home without it.  Two or three times more I’d visited his house… and there the photo sat on his coffee table.  I’d look at it, I’d smile, and I’d leave it behind as I drove the road home.  Hmmm.

Well, I was let out of work early tonight and stopped by his place on my way home.  He fixed some delicious kabobs on the grill, we watched a bit of t.v. – we spoke of the trip we’re taking this weekend – and this time, when I got up to leave, I picked up that photo and stuck it in my book. This time, it was coming home.

All the way home, I thought of how excited I was to share that picture… I wrote words in my head that I just knew would fall out on digital paper as soon as I got settled at my desk. I even phoned him after I got the computer fired up just to bust his chops a little and ask if he’s sure I couldn’t post some of his fishing pics. He gave a little huff and said, “Nah… this one’s enough, for now.”

And here I sit… I have the image cropped, resized, all ready to go… and something stops me.  I think I’m not ready to share him with the world quite yet.  I think I’ve got some sort of strange delight in keeping him all to myself. Then again, there could be deeper meaning to my hesitation.

Part of July’s Tarot reading suggested that I openly express how I feel… and I’ve not yet been able to do that. Maybe we’re too new, maybe I’m too scared, maybe he doesn’t want to hear it, maybe I can feel the world melting around me and don’t want to confess or profess anything that will make me feel any more vulnerable than I already do.

So for those of you who have been asking, Who is T? My apologies… I think I’ll let him remain a mystery for a while.

Life is good.

W

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Due to technical difficulties and time constraints, I’m going to group it all in one post – and omit images.  I don’t like doing it that way, but it’s better than not doing it at all.

Today’s cards that I’ve drawn are repeat cards, meaning I’m stuck in a cycle I’ve yet to break.  Not surprising, really, and they’re right on target with how I’ve been feeling.

Today’s Tarot Card: Judgement – I drew this one on July 3rd and had quite a bit to say about it.  Today, it shows up in reverse, just as it did on the 3rd, which means I’m really not making the progress I should be making in this area of my life.  If I was progressing, it would have shown up in the upright position… I’m too scattered, too spread out, and too harsh of a critic when it comes to myself, my past experiences, my current state of mind, and my future potential.  When I drew the card previously, I included references from LearnTarot.com and Aeclectic.Net – today, I’ll add one more reference… from “Solitary Witch: Book of Shadows for the New Generation” by Silver Raven Wolf:

Things coming back to haunt you; revisiting and taking responsibility for one’s actions (past or present); spiritual awakening; forgiveness; facing consequences; learning from experience; reaping what you have sown. 

*Astrological association: Pluto

So, having still not done my mid-point review of July’s Tarot (and likely not having time this morning as hoped), it seems as though I’m stuck in a rut… the same place now that I was at the beginning of the month.  It makes sense since last night I said I lost the last two weeks… and that time is slipping through my fingers.  I haven’t been “living” or “evolving” as I should… I’ve been in straight up survival mode. Go to work, work all day and late into the evening, drive home exhausted, crash…. repeat.  In the only spare time I’ve had, I’ve been doing readings, which is fine – no worries – I’m meant to — but there hasn’t been any time remaining for myself (which is likely why I drew that Quiet Time fairy the other day!)

Speaking of fairies, today’s draw is also a repeat card, drawn six days ago on July 10th.

Today’s Fairy Oracle: Higher Consciousness

Here’s what the guidebook says:

Card Meaning: You are receiving guidance from your true self, your higher consciousness, which is one with Divine universal wisdom. You are listening to love rather than fear.

Description: This card is a validation that your recent feelings, thoughts, dreams, and aspirations are coming from Spirit. You have been asking for Divine guidance, and your higher self has answered your prayers. Your spiritual path has helped you hear this voice because you’ve taken the time to listen. Perhaps you’ve begun a meditation or yoga practice, and this has helped you quiet your mind. Or maybe you’ve put your foot down to the Universe and have adamantly decided to improve your life.

Whichever route you’ve taken is working very well. Now, the fairies ask you to keep having conversations with your higher consciousness. This will involve carving out time away from noise and stress. You may need to take frequent nature walks, join a spiritual support group, or go on a retreat. By quieting your life and your mind, the voice of your higher consciousness becomes increasingly loud and clear. It guides you perfectly through all life areas.

Affirmation: I easily hear and understand the inner voice of Spirit.

Source: Healing with the Fairies Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue, Ph. D.

And today’s correspondences:

Today is:
July 16, 2008

*Neither planting or harvest day

Wednesday:
Governed by Mercury – study, travel, divination, wisdom

Colors:
yellow, brown, white, topaz

The Moon:
2nd quarter waxing in Capricorn

Waxing Moon: New Moon to Full Moon (this Friday is full moon!) is the ideal time to do magic to draw things to you.

Moon in Capricorn: Develops strong structure. Focus on traditions, responsibilities, and obligations. A good time to set boundaries and rules.

The Sun:
Cancer, “The Crab”, June 22 – July 22

Due to those pesty internet issues, I’m skipping today’s horoscope.

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Often, I say, “If I have time…”, or, “If time and energy allow…” — and tonight is no exception, although I irritate myself when I say it.  If time and energy allow, I’d like to do a mid-point review of July’s Tarot reading to see how this month is measuring up.  In all honesty, so far, it just feels lost.  Time is slipping through my fingertips. *sigh* It’s 10:36 p.m. right now, and as I see it, I can stay up until about midnight, twelve-thirty at the latest, in order to allow six hours sleep before engaging in tomorrow’s long day.  But there’s so much I want to do, so much I want to say, so much I need to let out, that two hours seems hardly enough to skim the tip of the iceberg.

First, a rant.  I was in McDonalds at Walmart this morning with Rhythm.  Quick bite to eat, then minimal grocery shopping, a forty minute drive home, some quick fixins in the kitchen (in the magickal sense, which I’ll explain later), then shower and change for work.  So we’re in the “grab a bite to eat” phase of the late morning/early afternoon, hangin’ out in McDonalds.  There was a three-year-old in the booth behind us who was having a grand ol’ time peeking his head over the booth and shouting, “Hi!”, then ducking back down.  We thought he was cute.  His mother thought he was being a pain in the ass.  She had lost patience with him completely and was doing her best to get him to sit down and be quiet. 

Uhm… hello?  Since when do three-year-olds sit down and/or be quiet? *smirk*

I did my best to ignore her initially.  None of my business how this woman wants to raise her child.  But there came a point where I had to bite my tongue ’til it bled – rather than go off on her the way I’d have liked.  This woman, in all her brilliance, thought she had found a tool, a weapon, to use against this little boy… and that tool, that weapon, was his father.  It began with the threat of a phone call. “Either you sit down and be quiet right now, or I’m calling Daddy.”

Immediately, I told myself to ignore what I’d just heard, but the woman kept on.

“Okay, that’s it, I’m gonna call Daddy. Is that what you want?” She reaches for her phone.  Fortunately for the kid, he doesn’t buy her bluff and can see right through her desparate attempts at manipulating him into being “good”.

The woman then escalated the threat, “Okay, fine. You know what? Maybe I should just take you to your Daddy’s… is that what you want? You want me to take you to your Daddy’s? ‘Cause I will… I’ll take you right now if you don’t sit down and be quiet!”

Since when are Daddies the bad guys that are used as mothers’ wicked threats to get children to behave? Why is this child being threatened with his own father?  Doesn’t this woman realize the disrespect she’s showing both the father and the child by twisting the relationship between them as she has? Likely not… or she just doesn’t care.  Shame on her! Too many children don’t have fathers at all… how dare she devalue a father’s love by turning him into a weapon she uses against her own child.  And she has no idea what impression she’s giving that child… she’s basically telling him point blank that she cannot and will not handle him by herself… she requires re-enforcements! That kid will never respect her if that’s the impression she’s giving.

It’s none of my business… and knowing that, I kept my mouth shut, but that shit just pisses me off.  Regardless of how the mother feels about the father, he should NOT be tainted by her to the child, used as a manipulation tactic to get her own way. That boy should be allowed to feel excitement over seeing his father, not taught to fear the man by his own mother!

There… I’ve said what I had to say.

Now… here’s another thing that pisses me off *smirks*.  My son did some digging today and found out what the problem is with my Internet connection.  Our satellite connection was established years ago by my ex-husband while we were still married.  I knew nothing about the account, how much it was, when it was due, what the service included, etc. — I just knew we had “unlimited” web access through a particular company.  When we got divorced, he was kind enough to continue paying the bill for several months until I’d gotten established, then he simply switched the account from his name to mine and had the bills sent directly to me.  I’ve paid them.  But, when my son did his investigating today, he realized that we’re only allotted a certain number of hours at high speed, and once we excede those hours, the company pulls back the service, slowing down the connection by a long shot.  In order to prevent that from happening, I’m going to have to increase the services, and my monthly bill… but upon reviewing their service plans, costs, and options, it seems like an insanely high amount to pay.  I’ll have to have my son do a bit more investigating to check out if there are other companies who service our area.  We live kinda in the boonies, so finding service can be difficult.  Then again, I’m still holding out for that move… so we may be able to drop satellite all together and go digital soon.

I’ve been in a weird place for the past two or three days.  Maybe it’s all the work hours and lack of sleep. Maybe it’s all the stress of being in limbo.  Maybe it’s cause my daughter’s out of town… I dunno. I just know I’ve been weird.  I’ve sort of withdrawn from everything, tucking inside of myself.  I feel disconnected.

I can already tell I’m not going to do that July Tarot review tonight.  Maybe I’ll have time in the morning. I plan on getting up early enough.  As it is now, though, I’m finding myself slumped down in my chair, struggling to keep my eyes open.

Didn’t get home ’til nearly 3:30 a.m. last night/this morning.  It was about 11 last night when A.J. finished up her shift at work and I followed her back to her place to do her Tarot reading.  That went amazingly well… so well that she asked if I’d mind going with her to one of her friend’s house to do a reading for her as well.  Not a problem.  So it was after midnight when we arrived at the friend’s house… and there wasn’t just one friend, there were three — and yeah, I did readings for all three of them.  I enjoyed it… they were all well received and served their purpose. I don’t regret staying up late or going from here to there to there back to here in order to do the readings… I know the Universe puts me where I’m supposed to be, when I’m supposed to be there… yet, there’s no denying that I was dragging ass all day long, even though I slept ’til ten a.m. this morning before running out the door to get Rhythm some groceries before work.

There’s more I want to say… more that I need to say, but I just can’t do it.  I’m wiped out.  Gotta crash.

In spite of my tired self, and in spite of my awkward mood…

Life is good.

W

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Major internet issues this morning. Tried all the tricks I know… resetting the box, reconnecting the wireless network, closing other programs… nope. It’s taking forever and a day just for one page to load. Tried the iphone update again this morning. This time, the download “took”, but according to my screen, due to the connection speed, it’s going to take 76 hours to complete. Yeah right. Bleh…

Had lots I wanted to write last night, but was utterly exhausted when I got home. Worked 9:30 a.m. through 10 p.m., then an hour’s drive home. Needless to say, I crashed once I got here. Woke at 6:30 a.m. just so I’d have time for the Daily Dose, to respond to comments, to visit other blogs, and to do the iphone update… and the entire two hours I’d set aside was used trying to get pages to load. *sigh*

And now, my two hours is up and it’s time to hit the shower and get ready for another long day. 11-8 is what I’m on the schedule for, and I told one of my co-workers I’d bring my decks to work and wait for her to get off at 9:15 so I could follow her to her place for an “emergency reading”. She’s been asking me for a while and we’ve just not been able to align schedules, but she’s hitting a major crisis point in her life and I decided to work around her schedule instead of asking her to work around mine, so it’ll be late when I get home tonight, too.

Short shift tomorrow, an evening shift, but told Rhythm I’d take him grocery shopping in the morning.

I may not be able to post the full details of a Daily Dose, but I am drawing my cards and making quick note of them here:

Today’s Tarot: 4 of Cups (self-focus, pessimism, feeling sorry for self – doesn’t feel entirely accurate for me today… I seem to be in an okay spot, but maybe there’s an under current I’m not aware of).

Today’s Fairy: Inner Child – I’m disappointed I don’t have the time or technical ability to post more about this today… she’s one I haven’t been able to share here yet, and she’s one I’m awfully fond of. She reminds me to look at life through the eyes of a child, with innocence and wonder, excitement and enthusiasm. Play. Laugh.

Today the moon is in her second quarter, waxing in Sagittarius. Monday’s are governed by the moon and enhance psychic connections and prophetic dreams. The sun is in Cancer (but only for about another week).

Full moon is this Friday. I’m excited.

And on that note, I’m outta here…

Life is good.

W

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Quiet Time

Quiet Time

Well, she’s no stranger to me. In fact, I drew her exactly one week ago, on July 6th. The fact that I’m drawing her again today means that I have not yet resolved the issue.  The problem is, I don’t see how I can resolve the issue with my schedule looking like it does.  Six days in a row I’m working, and Rhythm’s bringing a friend home with him today, so I’m not anticipating much quiet time over the next week.  T had talked about going to see his sister again next weekend, but even if I can get the time off work to get away, there’s not much “quiet time” in those trips.  Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE those quick getaways – and he’s got an incredible family that I enjoy spending time with… it’s just not that meditative quiet time this card encourages.

But, the Financial Flow card from earlier surprised me in how it manifested, with an increase in the monthly income – so this card may also hold her own surprises.

Here’s what the guidebook says:

Card Meaning: You need some time alone, away from other people and environmental noises. Even a brief respite would be extremely rejuvinating for you.

Description: Sometimes we’re not even cognizant of the detrimental impact of stress in our life. We become so accustomed to living in an uproar that we’re not aware when our body is telling us that it’s on overload. The symptoms include illness, unusual fatigue, depression or anxiety, appetite and weight issues, addictions, sleep disorders, irritability, and a desire to withdraw from life.

By drawing this card, you are being asked to honor your body and soul by spending some quiet time alone — as soon as possible. This might mean going on a silent retreat; spending a day at a lake, beach, or in the mountains; taking a hike; or visiting a day spa. You could even turn off your phone, put a ‘do not disturb’ sign on your door, and take an afternoon nap, a long bubble bath, or read your favorite book. Regardless of the form that your quiet time takes, the fairies just ask that you keep this promise to yourself without delay.

Affirmation: I now give myself permission to be silent within and without. My mind is quiet, and I enjoy my own company.

 

Source: Healing with the Fairies Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue, Ph. D

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Queen of Cups

Queen of Cups

 

The Queens represent maternal energy – the mature, nurturing, soft, caring energy of a mother. Cups represent emotion, feeling, and spirit.

This Queen, as I understand her, is extremely empathic – if not downright psychic.  She governs her subjects well because she can feel what they feel.  With one foot in the water and one on solid ground, she balances physical needs with spiritual and emotional needs. She reminds me of divine guidance… especially with the cherubs on her throne.

Her message, then, would be to show compassion, to remember that we are all one, and to govern with a sense of epathy, honoring psychic impressions and intuition.

As I understand it, she corresponds with Scorpio in astrology.

I’m reading the description from the book “Solitary Witch: Book of Shadows for the Next Generation” by Silver Raven Wolf, and I’m having an instinctive “no way!” reaction.  The description in this book doesn’t fit anything I’ve learned to date about this card. Here’s what it says:

Secretive, creatie woman. Oft times ‘the other woman’ in an illicit affair. Gossipy and vindictive. Emotional.”

Here’s from LearnTarot.com:

Loving
turns away wrath with caring
is unconditionally accepting
is sensitive to the feelings of others
dispels anger and hate
has infinite patience

Tenderhearted
is easily moved by another’s pain
reacts with sensitivity and compassion
is kind and gentle with all creatures
can never turn away someone in need
feels what others are feeling

Intuitive
is always tuned to emotional undercurrents
senses the climate of a situation
is guided by the heart
trusts an inner sense of what is true
understands without having to ask

Psychic
is open to the unconscious
has a well-developed sixth sense
can have a telepathic bond with another
has a finely-tuned sensibility
is a natural medium

Spiritual
feels oneness with God and the universe
has reverence for all life
finds joy in communion
appreciates the deeper meanings of life
sees the world as a holy place

The personality of the Queen of Cups combines the positive water energy of the Cups suit with the inward focus of a Queen. Because she has a sweet, loving and sensitive nature, the Queen of Cups has a kind word for everyone and never reacts with anger or impatience. There is a gentleness about her that soothes and calms. Compassion is her watchword. Her reactions to the world are guided by her feelings. In all matters, she lets her heart lead the way. She senses emotional currents and knows what others are experiencing without having to ask. She is never moody, but understands moods and their influence. She trusts her intuition and so is more open to knowledge that comes from within herself and beyond. She is often moved by the beauty and tragedy of life. The Queen of Cups feels deeply and has a reverence for all aspects of God’s creation. Her love includes and embraces everyone and everything.

In readings, the Queen of Cups asks you to think and feel as she does. For example: Are you aware of the emotional climate? Are you feeling loving? Do you trust your heart? Have you received an intuitive message? Have you been moved by another’s pain?

This Queen can also represent a man or woman who is like her, or an atmosphere of gentle love, acceptance and respect for feelings. In a reading, she tells you that her special energy has meaning for you at this time. Let yourself be inspired by this Queen in whatever form she appears in your life.

Now that’s more like it! That fit my own description almost perfectly. I won’t rule out the description from the book, but it didn’t feel right and this one matches much better to my own understanding.

Here’s from AeclecticTarot:

QUEENS
The element of Queens is water and, not surprisingly, they are a reflection of the Empress. In this they signify the creative force. One way to think of the court cards is this: The Kings are the motivating force (Fire = the sun waking up the sleeping Earth). The queens are the ones who make it real (water = rain bringing forth life from the earth). The Knights spread the idea of the Kingdom (wind = spreading the seeds). And the Pages, of course, are the fertile soil in which all of this can grow.

When Queens appear they signal a time of growth and development, a time when the Querent is making things real.

Queen of Cups

Often a healer, counselor or psychic, this is a woman who seems to know what’s wrong even before you open your mouth. Call her the emotional fix-it woman, but she seems to have exactly the right solution to problems relating to home, friends, love. Sometimes she is shy, self-effacing, you might not even notice her; other times she can be a little scary, dreamy, mysterious, a creative storyteller. Affectionate and loving, she is a “mom’s mom” always there to hug, heal and bake cookies for her children. Her intuition is uncanny, her temper…well, it runs very deep and you don’t ever want it turned against you. Talk about scary. Unfortunately, this is also a queen who can suffer from female hormonal problems, depression, moodiness, alcoholism, drug addiction, psychological problems.

Well, that fits, although it adds to my own information base. I’d not yet connected this card to female hormonal problems, or addictions – although since the King of Cups represents patterns, addictions, and alcoholism, it does make sense and shouldn’t be hard to remember. I think upright would show the compassion, psychic abilities, intuition, and empathy – and reversed might indicate the moodiness, female problems, or addictive patterns.

I think this card is going to be a good one for me to carry in my mind’s eye throughout the day, as Sundays are my most challenging days at work – and this one, moreso than normal because it’s going to be about a fourteen hour shift. When I find myself getting irritable, or wanting to .. eh hem… bitch because of the guests I’m serving or the lack of cooperation from co-workers, I’ll remember this queen and draw her energy up. Of course, she may have other meanings for me that I’m not consciously aware of today, so I’ll keep myself open to her messages.

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Well… not entirely alone, exactly.  I do have Sirius, Odin, Honey, and Beltane – the canine club – to keep me company. However, my plans to pick up Rhythm after work tonight were rained out.

It was about seven o’clock this evening when I noticed through the restaraunt windows that the sky was looking a bit like fourth of July.  Lightening was slicing across the sky in rapid succession, followed by the drumroll of thunder.  Before long, the other servers were talking about it in the kitchen, and then the guests began chattering about the light shows, and whether or not it’d be a dangerous storm.

It was nine p.m. when I left the building, two hours past my scheduled out-time, which didn’t surprise me.  However, what did surprise me was the amount of rain coming down in sheets.  I had no choice but to run through it to get to Pixie Dust, my Jeep.  When I’d first set out in the rain, I didn’t think it’d be that bad – I mean, a little water never hurt anyone – and I do enjoy a good rain… but by the time I’d reached my jeep, I looked like I’d been tossed into a swimming pool, clothes and all.

I sat in the Jeep for a moment trying to compose my thoughts… and dry my keys.  In spite of the lightening, I took a risk and phoned Rhythm.  He agreed… not the kind of weather for me to be driving to Leitchfield in all the way from Bowling Green.  So, I called my mother and offered her gas money if she’d go pick him up tomorrow while I was at work. She agreed.  I thought of calling T to see if I could just crash at his place and avoid the long drive home all together, but decided against it.  With tomorrow being a 14 hour day, I’d need all “my stuff” to get ready for work – and, of course, I had nothing with me.  No clean uniform, no hair spray, no tooth brush… so homeward bound it’d be.

It took me much longer than normal to get home – on account of the rain, plus the fact that I’m now paranoid and driving under the speed limit because of these stupid tickets I seem to be accumulating.  Pulled into the driveway around ten p.m., ran to the kennel to let the dogs out, unlocked the front door, and in we all charged.

It’s strange being here alone. It’s the first time in four years I’ve been in this house at night all by myself, not counting the dogs – and yet, there’s something remarkably peaceful about it.  I feel safe with the dogs here, the doors are locked, the sage is lit, and I’m nestled in, dried off, and preparing to go to sleep. Tomorrow is going to be such a challenge for me.  I don’t often work the fourteen hour shifts just because they’re so difficult for me physically.  I’m not in my twenties anymore and don’t have the stamina I once had.

Have the alarm set for five so I can do my daily dose before work… and make yet another attempt at installing the iphone update.  It sure is having issues! Have to leave a little early to get the gas I couldn’t stop and get tonight, and to grab a bite to eat on the way so I don’t clock in hungry.  As a food server at a physically demanding job, it’s unwise to show up to work hungry. *LOL*  If I didn’t have the alarm set for five, I’d love to continue working on the moon magick page… I hate that I’m finally inspired to write, to work on a project, and time and energy don’t allow.  Go figure.

Oh… but before I call it done, I need to reflect for a moment on one of the fairy cards drawn recently… Financial Flow.  I’ve pulled it twice (at least) in the past month and was wondering what was going to give.  There was the tax incentive check that offered some relief, but that’s well gone.  There’ll be my vacation check, but that’s already spent as well (damned speeding ticket!).  There’s all the overtime I’ve been working, but heaven knows I’d like to ease off on that as soon as possible.  Well, the answer was in today’s mail.  Without going into specifics about personal matters, I can say that the household income was increased by a substantial amount each month – a change I hadn’t anticipated but was incredibly pleased to learn about.  So, the fairies came through… well worth noting.

And with that, I snuff out the cigarette, shut down the computer, and tuck myself in for about six and a half hours sleep. 

Wonder if I’ll dream.

 

Life is good.

 

W

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Seems I’ve lost a few days again, but I’m okay with it.

Came home early yesterday morning, planned to do the iphone update, a Daily Dose, write out a few thoughts, then shower and change before keeping my afternoon appointments.  Had planned to meet A at one p.m. to help her set up her blog, then meet one of my co-workers for a tarot reading, followed by another co-worker’s Tarot reading at five p.m. – which would have about taken up the entire day.  But, as I’ve learned, making plans is pointless because things change… and I’m okay with that, too.

Had some trouble trying to install the updates for the phone, and received an incoming voicemail in the process.  T was painting at a young woman’s house and wanted to know if I could squeeze her in for a Tarot reading.  No problem… iphone update cancelled, Tarot and Fairy cards put in their travel bag, a quick shower, and I was out the door, pushing A’s appt. back from one p.m. to two p.m. to allow for extra travel time.  I did the first reading, made it to A’s just in time, then went to meet up with the co-worker only to find out she’d agreed to work a double and couldn’t have her reading.  Called the other co-worker to see if he wanted to move his reading up and found out that he, too, had been called in to work an couldn’t keep his appointment.  That freed me up for the day..

Rhythm is still gone at his friend’s house, so I rang T back and told him my agenda had been cleared for the afternoon. We met back at his place, went out for Mexican food, stopped at the movie store, then settled in at his cabin for a night of movies.  We watched a movie I can’t remember the title of (shame on me) with Jodi Foster doing some major killing.  She and her fiance had been mugged and badly beaten, the fiance beaten to death.  Jodi reovered physially, but not psychologically and sought her revenge with a pistol.  Good movie, not over-done on the blood and guts.  After that, we watched “The Ballad of Little Joe”, which I absolutely adored. Capped the night off with an episode of the Simpsons, then crashed.

I’m scheduled to work 44 hours this week, with a guaranteed hour of overtime each of the six days, for a total of about 50-55 hours over the span of six days.  I won’t have another day off ’til Friday.  Today’s a short shift, a few hours this evening, and tomorrow’s the one that’s gonna kick my ass… 9:30 a.m. til about 9:30 p.m., double back for an 11-8, then another short evening shift on Tuesday.  Long shifts again on Wednesday and Thursday, then off Friday.  T’s hoping we can make another great escape next weekend and head back out to his sister’s.  I’d love to go if I can manage the time off, so I’ll put in that request this afternoon.  I’d love for Rhythm to be able to see her cabin, the trees, that one massive tree we went to on our last trip, and have his turn learning how to shoot.

Stinkerbelle’s having a great time in North Carolina.  Not only is she getting to fulfill her dream by tending to a mini-horse, but she’s also doing her own paranormal investigations in regards to ghosts at Aunt P’s historic colonial home. They even went to the library to look up the history of previous tenants and found one child (who matched the age/description of one of the ghosts Stinkerbelle had seen), who had died at the tender age of three.  She didn’t die in the house, but that’s where she lived at the time of her death.  Apparently, she died down the road in 1912-ish when the roof of a drug store caved in.  I’ve encouraged her to keep notes of her experiences in her journal and am looking forward to discussing it more when she gets home.

Should hear about the home loan next week. I’ve been trying not to think about it… but it creeps into my mind from time to time.  The Universe did give me a mystic kiss this morning when I checked the mail. Turns out the household income will be increasing by a few hundred each month.  That helps tremendously!

Going now to try to finish this iphone update which is still having issues, do a few loads of laundry before work, cuddle the dogs, shower, change, and head out for the evening.

Will return to the Daily Dose posts tomorrow morning before my tedious day begins…

Life is good.

W

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