Time for T

Ya know, although I’ve mentioned him considerably in this blog, and have written one piece specifically for him, I’ve not shared much about T here in this public forum. I’ve avoided it and anticipated it simultaneously.

Some have asked – particularly those who knew me when and who know me still, but who have missed all that’s gone on betwen then and now.  Who is T?

Because we’ve taken several trips together now, I’ve had ample opportunity (of which I’ve taken full advantage), to take lots of snapshots of him.  I have pictures of him driving, fishing, standing next to trees. I have pictures of him playing games with his family… and all the while I was taking them, I had every intention of sharing them here.  Why? Because for whatever reason and for however long, the Universe has blessed me with him as part of my life. Yet, when it came time to share… when I sat here looking through the pictures and thinking of what I’d say about him, something held me back.

I thought perhaps it was respect for his privacy that stopped me, so I showed him the pictures I had and asked if he’d mind if I posted them.  Naturally, he didn’t like any of the photos I’d taken… not well enough to have them posted online, anyway.  To my delight, however, he did furnish me with one he had.  I smiled from ear to ear as he told me I could do whatever I wanted with it… crop it, resize it, post it.  But oddly enough, I left that photo sitting on his coffee table and I drove home without it.  Two or three times more I’d visited his house… and there the photo sat on his coffee table.  I’d look at it, I’d smile, and I’d leave it behind as I drove the road home.  Hmmm.

Well, I was let out of work early tonight and stopped by his place on my way home.  He fixed some delicious kabobs on the grill, we watched a bit of t.v. – we spoke of the trip we’re taking this weekend – and this time, when I got up to leave, I picked up that photo and stuck it in my book. This time, it was coming home.

All the way home, I thought of how excited I was to share that picture… I wrote words in my head that I just knew would fall out on digital paper as soon as I got settled at my desk. I even phoned him after I got the computer fired up just to bust his chops a little and ask if he’s sure I couldn’t post some of his fishing pics. He gave a little huff and said, “Nah… this one’s enough, for now.”

And here I sit… I have the image cropped, resized, all ready to go… and something stops me.  I think I’m not ready to share him with the world quite yet.  I think I’ve got some sort of strange delight in keeping him all to myself. Then again, there could be deeper meaning to my hesitation.

Part of July’s Tarot reading suggested that I openly express how I feel… and I’ve not yet been able to do that. Maybe we’re too new, maybe I’m too scared, maybe he doesn’t want to hear it, maybe I can feel the world melting around me and don’t want to confess or profess anything that will make me feel any more vulnerable than I already do.

So for those of you who have been asking, Who is T? My apologies… I think I’ll let him remain a mystery for a while.

Life is good.

W