Premonition headache? And end of day rambles…

Had a headache this morning.  Sometimes, they go away quickly.  Sometimes, a few Tylenol do the trick.  Other times, times like this one, it’s much more than a headache, and there is no medicine that can dull the pain.  This headache clung to me all day long… never letting up.  It’s the kind of headache people can actually see in me.  My eyes darken, the whites get red, and they “look” far away.  It’s not a migraine – not a tension headache, not a sinus headache… it’s a premonition headache.

What’s a premonition headache? Well, it was a surprise to me when I learned they exist – or at least, that they exist within me. In fact, I wasn’t even the one who recognized the pattern — Rhythm was. The first of these premonition headaches hit me a few years back… and it was a doozy.  I mean to tell you I thought for certain I was going to end up in the emergency room.  Rhythm is the only one who could offer comfort.  Knowing this, I woke him in the middle of the night, crying, asking him to hold my head.  He stroked my hair, applied pressure to the base of my neck and my temples… nothing eased the pain, but it felt good knowing he was fully connecting to me and doing what he could.  Within a matter of days, I began receiving threatening phone calls from my then (and now ex) husband’s ex wife – which, in turn, spawned the selling of one house and the purchase of another.

The second time I got a headache like that, I went right back to Rhythm.  He repeated his attempts at providing comfort – holding my head, puting pressure on the base of my neck and my temples while I cried in his lap. Within a matter of days, a project I’d dedicated well over a year (and immeasurable energy, not to mention finance) fell through in a very ugly way.  I felt betrayed. I felt used. I felt lost.

The third time I got a headache like that, the cycle repeated – and within a matter of days, my best friend betrayed me and attacked me in a public forum, sharing my private affairs with the world.

So it continued… headache, major change/betrayal/upset.

Rhythm found the pattern, and I confirmed it by going back through old journals.  Back then, I just wrote “had a major headache….”, but within days, I’d write out my emotional reactions to circumstance. My son was right… the headaches were premonitions of upheaval.  Not always bad, mind you – sometimes just major change, such as big moves, change in jobs, etc. — but more often than not, it’s a “warning” of something unnerving.

I can recognize these headaches now… and can tell them apart from “normal” headaches.  These feel like someone is stabbing the base of my neck with an object that has two sharp points that reach through to the back of my eyes. The pain spreads from behind my eyes to my ears, and from the bridge of my nose to the nape of my neck… as if my head is being quartered.  What I haven’t learned yet is how to stop them, or how to dertermine exactly what it is they’re warning me of.

I can’t help but to tie this in with the animal messages of last week that warned of pending danger, yet I don’t want to get myself all paranoid, either.

It’s confusing to me because I see it in one sense as harmful… for example, it’s said that when a car accident happens, it’s the people who were sleeping or unsuspecting (fully relaxed) that were hurt the least, but that those who “saw it coming” and had time to tense up are the ones who were hurt the worst.  Well, feeling one of these headaches makes me tense up and “brace myself”, and I wonder if that has the same kind of reaction… causing more damage.  Yet, I don’t believe these things happen by accident, and if I’m being given some sort of internal warning system, there’s got to be a reason for it.

I’ve asked myself if my recent dreams may have the answers, and while I am able to make sense of those weird and wild dreams, to a degree, I don’t get the feeling they’re connected to what’s about to happen.  Dreams tonight might… if I can sleep through this headache, that is.

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In other news *smirk* – had a long day today.  Woke really, really early so I could play the beat the bank game – and made it by the hair of my chinny chin chin.  As early as I woke, it didn’t leave me time for a Daily Dose before heading out the door, which was kind of sad ’cause I really do crave that meditation time and the insights each morning.  Yet, I knew there were things that needed to be done.  Paid the water bill, made the deposit at the bank, then went next door to the insurance company to catch up on the past three months worth of overdue bills.  Ouch and Ahhh all at the same time.

Had a little extra time between insurance payt. and clock in at work, so I met up with T at a house he’s painting in.  The woman he’s painting for is a vibrant soul and one I’m sure I’ll end up doing a Tarot reading for in the near future.  Rode with T over to the paint store to correct a can of incorrectly mixed paint, then rode with him back to the house. There were a few things said in light conversation that meant the world to me and eased my heart and mind… and there was a “see ya later” kiss that melted me into my shoes! In spite of my headache, I wore a smile all day long — and liked it!

Didn’t get off work until 8:30 tonight, did my usual coffee stop, then headed home, phoning T from the Jeep to discuss plans with A for Friday.  I promised her I’d come help her set up a blog on my next day off, and Friday is the only day off I have.  He told me he’d be more than happy to give me her number, so I’ll have to call him in the a.m. to get that so I can call her and set something up for Friday afternoon.  Then, later that day I’ll be doing one, possibly two Tarot readings in the area.

Came home and finished paying past due bills.  Took care of the power bill, the t.v. satellite bill, and the internet bill. That’s it for the tax incentive check… gone in a day, and I haven’t even bought groceries yet (or paid that damned speeding ticket!).  Due to that fact, I’ve picked up extra shifts at work… big ones.  I’ll be off Friday but will use that day to run errands, set up blogs, do Tarot Readings, and anything else that pops up.  Saturday, I work a short shift… short being about 6 hours worth, but I don’t have to go in ’til late afternoon – around 4-10ish is what it’s looking like.  However, I double back on Sunday with a shift that starts at 9:30 a.m. and doesn’t end until about 10-10:30 p.m. – Have an all day shift Monday, a short shift Tuesday, and all day shifts Wednesday and Thursday.

I’d really been wanting to finish working on the Moon Magick page. I’m having a blast writing my own understanding of the moon’s journey through the zodiac – but, as has been the case for the past year, responsibilities and work dominate my time and energy, so that’ll just have to wait and be written in little bits if, as, and when I can.  Eventually I’ll get there.

Rhythm wants to go to his friends tomorrow, 20 miles away, so I’ll be getting up at the crack of dawn – again.  An hour there, an hour back, then shower and change for work.  I’m hoping to have enough time to do the Daily Dose, especially in light of this headache, but I’m not sure if that’ll happen or not. *sigh*

I’ve got about one more week to wait before I hear anything on the home loan… and that’s a constant presence on my mind. Waiting is the hardest part because I feel like I need to be doing something to enhance the chance – yet, I know the Universe has it all under control. I’ve already stated the need, the kids and I have already done our power of three synchronicity thing, I did everything in accord with what I know about natural earth energies (ex. applying for the loan when the moon was waxing, etc.) – and now it’s out of my hands.

I really wish I had more time and more energy tonight.  I feel disconnected from myself when I don’t start the day with my correspondences, when I work throughout the daylight hours, and come home exhausted – having to go almost immediately to bed so I can repeat that cycle the next day. But it is almost eleven thirty and I do have the alarm set for five, so I’d better force myself down for the night.

Hope I shake this headache… but all things considered…

Life is good.