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Archive for July, 2008

the universe wins … i’m on shut down mode.

injured at work – nothing major. cut my finger and cut through a blood vessel, so three stitches and a finger splint later, i’m out of commission til wednesday. obviousy, typing skills are impaired. with the exception of tomorrow’s mandatory drug test that requires me to drive into town, i’ve decided to make it an all out shut down – physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. i need a respite from life – and the universe just insisted i take it.

i’m cleared to return to work wednesday, although stitches and splint remain until next saturday. that should be interesting, to say the least. when i can again type freely and at full speed, i’ll be back. until then, i’m due for a really good power cry and a lot of medicated sleep.

w

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Well, I’ve been doing some thinking… and for my purposes, I’m wondering if wordpress is not the best home for my blog.  I’m accustomed to Blogspot, being able to add widgets and have a bit more control over certain elements.

I’ve been thinking a lot about expanding my site… and in order to do that, I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to move it.  The question is, do I move it as it is… or do I re-name and re-do the entire thing? I may want to give it the name I’ve seen in my head for my magick shop… and incorporate an online store of sorts. It’d be a small beginning to a big dream.

Hmm.

Will be thinking on this today.

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Night Cap: What a Rush!

August Rush, that is…

And it went something like this.

(One month earlier)

“Mom,” said Rhythm to me via free mobile to mobile conversation during his vacation in Vegas, “You’ve got to see this movie called August Rush.”

“Why?”

“Trust me. You’ll love this movie.  Trust me. You have to see it.”

“What’s it about?”

“A psychic link through music between a boy and the parents he’s searching for.”

“Sounds like I’d like it.”

“You won’t like it, Mom. You’ll love it.  It’s one of those movies.  They talk to the moon and hear each other through it. I’m telling you. You’ve got to see this movie!”

*TWO WEEKS LATER*

“Hey.”

“Hey!”

“Where are you?”

“The movie store.  What did you say that movie was called again?”

“August Rush.”

“Okay, thanks.”

“Why?”

“Gonna buy it.  I’m trusting you.”

“Trust me. You’ll love it!”

*ONE WEEK LATER*

I picked Rhythm up at the airport, crying as I hugged him. I was beyond glad to have him home, although sad that his sister was gone on her own vacation when he arrived. Walking through the airport towards the truck, he asks, “Did you watch the movie?”

“Not yet.”

“Why not?”

“Waiting for the right time, I guess.”

*ONE WEEK LATER*

My cell phone rings… it’s Stinkerbelle calling from North Carolina.

“Mom?”

“What’s wrong, Stinkerbelle?”

“Nothing… but you have GOT to watch that movie! I just watched it with Aunt P, and Rhythm was right… you’re gonna LOVE this movie!”

*TWO WEEKS LATER*

July 28, 2008 –

The real world is too much pressure for me today.  Yesterday’s insanity bled over into this morning – and I’ve decided it may not be the rest of the world that’s nuts… maybe I’m just a little out of my mind.  I felt detached from myself as soon as I woke up, but didn’t know what was wrong.  I did half of a daily dose, rushed through a shower, gathered my deposit and the water bill, loved on my dog, then ran out the door.  Forgot to make my bed, so left Stinkerbelle a voice mail begging her to do it for me.  It could have remained unmade, but now that I have one, I want it made… even if I’m not home.  Weird, I know. Stopped at the water company first – quick in, quick out – and around the corner to the bank.

“I need to make a deposit, but I don’t have any deposit slips.”

“No problem, Ma’am, what’s your account number?

“XXXXXXX”

“Thank you, ma’am. One moment.”

The teller leaves, punches buttons on a keyboard, hits delete, punches numbers again.  Then she returns.

“Ma’am, are you sure this is the right account number?”

“What did you enter?”

“XXXXXXX”

“Yes, that’s correct.”

“It doesn’t seem to be working.”

“Please try again… XXXXXXX”

I stated the numbers again, dramatically, slowly… loudly.

She shakes her head.

Then it dawns on me.  I slap my forehead (no, really, I did), and burst out laughing so loud I had the whole bank’s attention.

“Forgive me, Miss. I seem to have given you my employee work number.  Maybe this one will work…”

Good Gobstoppers… what was I thinking?

I giggle myself all the way back to Pixie Dust (my Jeep) and hit the long road to work. 

Ten after ten in the a.m., so I should make it to work by… oh… 10:50-ish, clock in at eleven.  If I’m lucky, I’ll have time to swing through Micky D’s for a quick bite… STARVING! (but no speeding!)

10:15-ish, my cell phone rings.  Correction… it honks.  Old car horn… that’s the bat phone… eh hem… I mean work calling.  Ears perked, I answer.

“Hi, Wendi?”

“Yeah… what’s up?”

“We were expecting you at ten a.m. and you’re never late, always early – are you okay?”

Literally, the voice was panicked.  Still humored with myself, now moreso than ever, I reply, “I was expecting me at eleven, and yes, I’m fine.  Ten? Really? I thought eleven. I’m on my way.”

Are you freaking kidding me?  Did my mind slip out of my skull and into my pillow case while I slept?  Did the dog think it was a chew toy and carry it outside?

Now I’m late for work. Groovy. So much for breakfast!

*sigh*

I was on auto-pilot at work.  The basics. 

How would you like that cooked?  Do you need relish or onion with that?  What would you like for your side items?  Would you like biscuits or corn bread?  Do you like lemon with your tea? Would you like to add cheese to that? May I take your plate for you sir?

I bussed tables like a robot on steroids… loading plates, glasses, silverware, trash… as much as I could load onto one tray – fewer trips is better.  Full hands in, full hands out. Auto pilot. Went on break at two and whoofed down a big-ass fried chicken salad… ate the entire thing. Yum. Oddly enough, I’ve had the same thing every single day for the past week.

(Two hours earlier)

Female manager, “Hey, Wendi? Are you losing weight?”

I look at her through widened eyes and nod, “A little.”

“More than a little.”

“I’m not trying.”

“Well, it’s working… noticably.”

That reminds me… I really need to get new work uniforms.  When I started there last July, I wore a size six pants and a small men’s shirt.  I downgraded to size four pants and large boys’ shirts.  Now, the size fours are loose and long, and even with two new holes poked into my Tinker-Belt, they don’t fit.  What am I, the Incredibly Shrinking Woman?

It was slow, so I was released early, but it took me ’til my scheduled out-time to finish my sidework.  A quick stop at the corner store for a pack of smokes, a cup of coffee, and enough gas to make it home – and hopefully enough to get to Leitchfield tomorrow night for Back to School Night. There goes the day’s earnings, minus a few (very few) presidents to pay for a few necessities while we’re in town.

SMS: (Beep) Dog food. (Beep) Hair conditioner. (Beep) Body wash. (Beep) Toilet paper.

This is why I pay for unlimited text messages on our cell phones? *smirks*… mmmh hmmm. *nods*  It is. It’s exactly why.

As I drove home, I wondered about taking the kids shopping for school clothes.  I’ve managed to keep my bills paid so far, not counting that speeding ticket (DOH!) that’s due mid-month.  Everything hits between the first and third, though, so I have to be careful – and school starts on the fifth.  The goal is to take them shopping somewhere between the third and fifth – assuming there’s anything left after the bills are paid.  I also have a set of drums on layaway for Rhythm that need paid on… drums that match the guitar I surprised him with last week.

Thought about horses, next.  Since we can’t move and we’ve got plenty of property, and to balance out the fact that Big Brother is getting fancy guitars and schmancy drums, Stinkerbelle and I have been talking about how to make horses possible. I decided to sell my mom the piece of property her house is on… she’s been after me to sell it to her ever since I allowed her to put her mobile home there.  I’ve resisted until now (that wasn’t part of the deal!), and it’s been a sore spot between us, but since we’re staying put, it would make mom happy to own it and would give Stinkerbelle the funds needed for fencing and a structure.

Thought about aging, too.  I’m less than two weeks away from 36, and heaven help me, either the lighting in the break room bathroom is really, really bad (which it is! no, really!), or I may quite possibly have my first… (coughs) gray hair.  Nah… no way. Bad lighting it is.  No way!

When I got home, the kids met me at the door.

“How are you?”

“Glad to be home.”

“You gonna go work on your computer?”

“Nope… we’re gonna watch August Rush…. if you don’t mind seeing it again.  I’m ready… it’s time.”

I made my way to my bedroom, slipped out of Uniform and into my Tinkerbell pajammies… barefoot, hair down… the way I’m meant to be.  Ah… freedom.  And no need to set the alarm tomorrow morning as tomorrow there’s no apron, no hair clip, no tables to clear or trays to carry.

I grabbed my cup of coffee, a bowl of fruit cocktail mixed with mandarine oranges, flopped my ass on the sofa and my feet on the coffee table… and off I went into a wonderland of August Rush.

What a rush!

The kids were right… they know me well.  This may be one of my favorite movies of all time.

“Hey, Mom… didjya cry?”

I roll my eyes, “What do you think?”

They look at each other and simultaneously say, “She cried.”

If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it.

Life is good.

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Peace of Mind

Peace of Mind

Ya think?
Card Meaning: Make peacefulness your highest priority. Commit to taking steps to ensure peace of mind, and take those steps without delay.
Description: Peace of mind isn’t something you have to earn or acquire, since your true self is already peaceful. Instead, it requires being like a sculptor with a block of marble, who works with this material until the inner masterpiece is revealed. If you’ll make peace of mind your main focus, you’ll inevitably feel a great sense of relief.
Steps that create peace of mind include being honest with yourself, living according to your inner guidance, being helpful and kind to others, practicing meditation or yoga, eating only healthful foods, avoiding toxins, maintaining healthy sleep habits, avoiding negative people and media, surrendering your problems to God, communing with nature, simplifying your life, and saying no when you need to.
Affirmation: My mind is now peaceful, and I know that all of my needs are automatically taken care of. I can rest easily, assured that all is well.
Source: Healing with the Fairies Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue, Ph. D.

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Ten of Wands

Ten of Wands

Well, here’s a repeat card from six days ago – not even a full week and the card surfaces to remind me I’ve not yet dealt with its issues.  I had a lot to say about it, apparently.  Ah… and re-reading what I wrote then, I can see why it’s still a present factor, especially in light of what I just wrote as my coffee thoughts. *smirks* –
Overworked, over-burdened, over-taxed, struggling….  *nods*
When I drew this card on the 22nd, the Fairy Oracle I drew with it was Beauty.  I’m curious to see which Fairy comes out to play today.  But, before I get too far ahead of myself, here are the referenced definitions for this card:

Here’s from Solitary Witch: Book of Shadows for the Next Generation by Silver Raven Wolf:

Overworked; carrying too many burdens; too many family or work responsibilities; feeling like a project will never end, but you are advised not to give up – the end is closer than you believe. Trying to hold on to outdated or outmoded situations. Trying to accumulate too much too fast.

And here’s from LearnTarot.com:

overextending
trying to do too much
refusing to say “no”
taking all the blame
assuming another’s debt
doing the lion’s share
having to work overtime
shouldering all the work
being saddled with an extra load
feeling burdened
never having time to relax
feeling tied to a treadmill
being taxed to the limit
assuming responsibility
being held accountable
carrying out an unpleasant duty
cleaning up a messy situation
being left holding the bag
struggling
fighting uphill
doing everything the hard way
experiencing resistance
pushing against the current
having to work for every gain
finding that nothing comes easily
laboring

On the Ten of Wands, we see a bent figure trying to carry ten heavy poles. They are ranged so closely in front of him that he can’t even see where he’s going. Nothing exists for this man except his burdens and responsibilities. How true this is for so many today! We take on so much, trying to do all the things that need to be done. We think that if we can hang on until the weekend (or vacation, or end of the semester) then we can finally relax. The weekend comes, and the overload continues.

In readings, the Ten of Wands can be a sign that you are pushing yourself too hard. If your days are an endless round of duties and tasks, then you need to lighten up for the sake of your health and well-being. Cut back, and take on only those activities that give you pleasure. If you love your work, but it’s all-consuming, you may be too narrowly focused in one area. Balance your life with other interests.

The Ten of Wands can also stand for times when you have to assume the lion’s share of responsibility. You may be blamed or left holding the bag. On the other hand, you may have to step forward and take charge because you are the only one capable enough. Rightly or wrongly, the cleanup will fall to you.

The Ten of Wands indicates that your life is going to be tougher than usual for a time. You will have to fight uphill for every little gain. Each step will feel like a struggle. When you see this card, be kind to yourself. Lighten the load wherever you can, and let others help you. You don’t have to handle everything yourself.

Finally, here’s a comparrison from Aeclectic Tarot:

TENS

As the aces were the pure, elemental spark of the suit, the tens are the element of the suit complete. Not as in the nines, which are physical completion, but in a transcendent fashion. It is the ultimate good or bad of that element.

Ten of Wands

A man carries ten heavy wands on his back. This is a card that says that the Querent has used up all the energy they started with at the ace. They don’t feel that creative, driving force any more. The image on this card implies that the Querent has complete control of all the many things he wanted control over. He is the leader, the boss. But this means that all the burdens are his as well. He’s trying to do everything, and it leaves him drained. Advise your Querent to delegate, to put down some burdens and find his energy again.

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It’s Monday, but it’s also my Friday.  Well, kinda.  I worked 11 hours yesterday, am scheduled for 9 today, then I have tomorrow off.  It’ll be a fairly busy one, but I’m still going to try to make time for a lazy hour or three.  Then back to work long days on Wednesday and Thursday, then off again on Friday.  I’m not a huge fan of my own schedule at the moment.

Tomorrow night is Back to School Night at the high school.  At long last, Stinkerbelle and Rhythm will be attending the same school.  This offers some relief, but could also present a few new conflicts.  She’s not going to like being watched over… not until he comes to her defense, anyway. They don’t start school until the 5th of August, but tomorrow night they’ll get their schedules, visit their classes, and meet their teachers.

Things are weird right now – and I’m guessing a lot of it has to do with the date.  Oh, not the 28th specifically, but the fact that it’s nearing the end of the month.  People tend to get… uhm… HOSTILE during the last week of the month. I don’t know if it has to do with all the bills they know are due on the first, or if it’s from running out of money before the end of the month, or if it’s some sort of cosmic/karmic thing.  But it’s there… it’s real… and it’s got hold of everybody.

Yesterday was one of those days at work where I had to fight to hold on to my own morals and values and not accidentally spill a drink in someone’s lap. I don’t necessarily mind being a server – and I’d like to think I’m pretty good at it.  I’m a nurturing soul and a care-taker, so I don’t mind at all bringing you drinks, keeping them filled, removing your dirty plates from the table and cleaning up after you… but for the love of Bat Man, do NOT snap your fingers at me.  Do not tap the edge of your glass while you roll your eyes when it’s plain to see that I’m in the middle of delivering an entire tray – a tray that’s both hot and heavy – to another table!  Do not get up from your table and come tug on my apron to get my attention when I’m taking an order at another table.  What are you thinking?  And get some common sense  — do not run my ass all over the restaraunt so you can have grape jelly, extra napkins, more free biscuits, change your mind on your drink, heat up the vegetables you let get cold while you were chomping on your meat… and then have the audacity to leave me three quarters, a dime, and a nickel as a tip on a $35.00 ticket!

I do not neglect my tables – and I check back with each one about every 3-4 minutes, so the idea of tapping a glass pisses me off.  Maybe if you didn’t suck down your ice tea like there’s no tomorrow, you wouldn’t be left with an empty glass.  Seriously… I can take drinks to a table and IMMEDIATELY take their order.  I start with person one, move to person two, on to person three, and by the time I get to person four, person one’s drink is empty and they’re looking at me like I’m inefficient.  Bite me. I have two arms and two legs… and cannot be in two places at once.  Slow down on the sweet tea, Bub.

Yesterday was just one of those days – and it didn’t stop in the dining room, but bled over into the kitchen – and worse yet, into the Manager’s office.  I do NOT need to hear a manager say to me that he feels as though his entire staff has swallowed a stupid pill.  I am not stupid.  I do not need to be told that your job is worse than babysitting toddlers.  If that’s how you think, you shouldn’t be in a management position in the first place – but at least be smart enough to keep thoughts like that to yourself. I doubt it would go over very well if my response to one of his comments was, “Yeah, I know what you mean… it’s like some of our managers came out of a cracker jack box.”  But no, I hold my tongue and bite my lip so I can continue to cling to that $2.28 per hour they’re having to fork over for my services.

I want. Bring me. Go get. — What ever happened to please and thank you? Yeah. It was one of those days.

The cooks were screaming and yelling, the managers were berating, the other servers were pushing and shoving, and the guests were rude, demanding, and cheap.  I worked eleven hours to make fifty dollars… and it cost me $20 in gas just to get there and back.

T had issues yesterday too – people all over were just confrontational.  He tried his best to handle it well, but it was clear his experiences affected his mood on a deep and grand scale.

So I’m up early, rip-roarin’ ready to go do it all again… clock in by 11 a.m., don’t clock out until after 8 p.m., then drive home to meet the demands of the house, the kids, and the dogs.  A quick trip to pay the water bill first, then dip in over at the bank for a deposit that’s much shorter than it should be…

Life is good… but people sure can suck sometimes.  I hope it was just a fluke, an odd day, and that it’ll all blow over.  Life is too short.  Use your manners, tip your servers, and remember to smile from time to time. Life is a blessing, not a curse.

Rant over.

W

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Today is:
July 27, 2008
(Uncle H’s Birthday)

*Harvest Day

Today’s Tarot: Six of Cups
Today’s Fairy Oracle: Family Harmony

Sunday:
Governed by the Sun – healing, spirituality, success, strength, protection

Colors:
yellow, orange, gold, amber

The Moon:
4th quarter waning, void-of-course as of 11:52 p.m. last night, enters Gemini @ 10:55 a.m.

Waning Moon: Waning moon is when the moon appears to be shrinking in the sky, the last two weeks of the moon’s twenty-eight day cycle. Each night the light of the moon gets smaller and smaller until ultimately, the moon appears invisible and is completely out of sight. During this two weeks, it’s best for doing magickal workings to rid yourself of things, to cast away negative energies, or to break habits. If you want to keep your nails short, trim them during waning moon. Want to slow the growth of your hair? Cut it during waning moon. Want to end a certain relationship? Waning moon is best. Quit smoking? Lose weight? Waning moon lends its energies to these types of magickal workings.

Moon Void-of-Course: Just before the Moon enters a new sign, it will make one final aspect (angular relationship) to another planet. Between that last aspect and the entrance of the Moon into the next sign it is said to be void-of-course. Activities begun when the Moon is void-of-course rarely come to fruition, or they turn out very differently than planned. (source: Llewellyn’s Witches’ Datebook 2008 )

Moon in Gemini: Things begun now are easily changed by outside influence. Time for shortcuts, communication, games, and fun.  (source: Llewellyn’s Witches’ Datebook 2008 )

The Sun:
Leo – The Lion

Click here for a previous post outlining various sources explaining influences of Sun in Leo.

Today’s Horoscope for Leo:

Quickie
This isn’t the time to go solo with your projects — teamwork is the best way to go.

Overview
Sit down with your family or coworkers and talk about the blue-sky stuff that doesn’t come up all that often. At least one person is sure to be surprised by how optimistic the rest of the group is.

Daily Extended
This is not the time to go solo with your projects. Teamwork is the best way to make good things happen in your life, now. There is real power in numbers, and it’s your task today to get together with as many other people as you can. Whether you join a group of people in order to get things done, travel to another country, or just sit around playing a board game, the crowd’s energy is where it’s at! One of the people you’ll be hooking up with today has something to teach you.

Daily Flirt:
You and your friends need to talk things over — you may be surprised to learn there’s a lot more going on between you than you’d ever have guessed. Once you all know what you want, getting it is easy.

Daily Couples:
Do something today that you’ve been been putting off; perhaps a task that your sweetie has been after you do to. Don’t say a word about it, just do it! You’ll feel great when you can cross it off your list.

Daily Singles:
Being indecisive on whether to accept an invitation could frustrate the host. Agree to attend only if you know for a fact you will be there. Otherwise, let the host know that you’re honored to be included but life is too chaotic to venture out.

(Source: http://shine.yahoo.com/astrology/)

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