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Archive for June, 2008

Intro: Here’s another I’ve found that seems eerily right on time for resurfacing, especially in comparrison to my recent writings and the Tarot reading for June.  A simple night of quiet reflections brings this out of the poetic graveyard (Good Goddess, I forgot I ever wrote this!) and into the travel bag for the journey on The Road Home.

“What Is It?”
November 21, 2005

 

It’s a sense of accountability
Owning up to the power within
A sense of not giving up
Before you even begin

It’s not about keeping promises
But in knowing not to make them
It’s about learning to navigate through
Rather than creating mayhem

It’s about respecting self
Regardless of circumstance
Controlling the inner beast
So you can stand half a chance

It’s not in how well crafted
Apologies are delivered
But in being able to avoid their need
By having things pre-considered

It’s not about how hard you try
To make up from an argument
It’s in your determination
Not to rectify, but to prevent.

It’s not about how fiercely you fight
To control what you think you know
But in the willingness to accept
When it’s time for letting go.

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Intro: These are the peaceful moments I long for now… I found this tonight and I remembered the day. I don’t know why I didn’t give it a title, but since I didn’t give it one then, I won’t give it one now. I wrote this back in April of 2006 and just found it in an old blog I forgot I still had access to.

Front porch sitting
steel mug of coffee
watching tender flowers
recover from long journeys
translplants
and spring thunderstorms.

Thick ferns dangle like earrings
from the old, crooked, crickety porch
while bees and butterflies
flutter, flitter, and buzz
daring me not to flinch
or run, or do the bug dance

Nothing to fear
Nothing to hide
Nothing to force or fix
Nothing to control
Nothing to organize
Nothing to busy myself with

Take the moment.

Goddess breath combed my hair
while soft rains bathed my naked feet
and the crazy dog made his escape
to the farmer’s field
on the other side of the fence
to roll himself in cow pies.

Unused muscles stretch and bend
bow to the earth
sing nature’s enchantments
stirring to life
after a long (too long)
freeze

Sacred Heart rose
Planted on the Pharaoh’s grave
morning glory spread near the garage
weeds plucked and pulled
Dirt turned, and turned
until soft like powder

Admire the snail
hold the worm
smile at the frog
whose eyes are slanted
like that of an elf
and whose grin seemed knowing.

dirt under fingernails
dirt between toes
sweat dripping unchecked
in the valley of the chest
and from the brow, wiped by the forearm
as unused muscles stretch to life

Followed by more front porch sitting
with french-vanilla flavored coffee
while rain tattered pansies
demonstrate their resilliance
to life’s unexpected difficult storms
and complete upheavals.

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Part of the benefit of keeping a journal is not only the ability to express oneself in the moment, but to go back years later, in retrospect, to see where you were, how you got there, how you got out, and where you ended up in the long run.

Tonight, I’m apparently being pulled through time and space.  It’s funny – I’m always complaining that I don’t have any time to rest, relax, do things I enjoy, get to know myself… and here I have an evening uninterrupted and I had no freakin’ clue what to do with it!

I went and cleaned this morning.  I came home and took a nap with vivid dreams, which I recorded (for the first time in a long time). I mowed the lawn (go me!), read other blogs… and then felt myself sinking into this strange abyss of, “well, what now?”  The satellite has been temporarily disconnected (woops, me!), I’m not in the mood for book-reading, couldn’t play SIMS ’cause I accidentally left my c.d. case in T’s truck from the last road trip… and so it became a night of surfing through old stuff and trying to get to know myself a little better.  I can hear Alanis in my head:… “Why are you so petrified of silence? Here, can ya handle this? Did’jya think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines … or when ya think you’re gonna die… or did ya long for the next distraction?”

Nevertheless, in my walk down memory lane, I found a piece I’d written back in July of 2006 that pretty much summarizes exactly what I’ve been feeling here lately.  Only this time, in reading it, I grinned – thinking about those posts I’d just made about moon sign, rising sign, imbalanced chakras, odd number tests and other reflections of my personality.  When I wrote this, I thought it was healthy.  I thought I was “right”.  Today, in reading it, I see the Five of Cups that I drew as this morning’s Tarot card.  Coinsodence? Maybe… maybe not. Check it out:

Hiding in the Mists and Shadows
July 14, 2008

I haven’t been myself lately. Then again, maybe I’ve been more “myself” than I have in years past. In either case, life has been put on pause while I hide in the mists & shadows.

Perhaps it’s not hiding. I prefer to call it resting. Let’s define it as a retreat, not as in withdrawl, not a running away, but as a journey into self without the distractions of every day chaos and the dramas of reality.

The dramas of reality, that’s the real issue. Judgment, condemnation, harsh criticisms uninvited, misunderstandings, lack of acceptance, the need to prove oneself worthy or able.

Why should I be required (even by myself) to prove my worth to another? Why should I feel the need to justify myself, my actions, my choices, or my words?

Tired of justifying my words, I quit offering them. Tired of being disappointed by a general lack of understanding or support, I’ve learned to stop relying upon it, or worse yet, expecting it.

It’s not your praise I’m after.
It’s not your approval I seek.
It’s not your rules I abide by.
It’s not your authority I obey.

Mind slips into fogs of self doubt, insecurities, shame, feelings of failure – but why? Why does Monkey Mind have such a loud voice and strong presence when my gut and heart and soul are my guides?

Because Monkey Mind speaks through the mouths of the sleeping masses. People who think they know more about my life’s course than I do – people who feel they’ve achieved a higher level of enlightenment, or who have great insights bestowed upon them by their version of God, Goddess, or Divinity.

Of course, this could be karmic payback, eh? Maybe for all the years I felt I had it within me to save the world, share my wisdom, influence the minds of humanity… that egotistical yet innocent mindset of wanting to be “more” that I am now being held accountable for.

What is more? What is enough? What is acceptable? What is too much, what is “lacking”, whose opinion matters the most?

Should I sacrifice myself for the benefit of others? Should others sacrifice of themselves on my behalf? Or are we all just blindly searching for ways to be “more”?

More than what? More than whom?

More money. More fame. More power. More knowledge. More sex. More glory. More control. More respect. More freedom.

Now I am not searching for more. On the contrary, it is less that I seek – less input from others, less output from others, less involvement with others, comforted only by the mists and shadows of Self.

Does the world revolve differently since I’ve learned to lower my expectations, or since I’ve stopped wanting to be the hero?

I am tired of living apologetically. I am tired of feeling like I’ve always come “this close” only to fall short by “this much”. I’m tired of the search for validation. I am tired of the struggle for so called success. I am tired of pushing with all my might to get “there”.

It is not my desire to teach, but to learn – yet this doesn’t mean I desire to be taught.

I do not understand the hypocritical nature of humanity. Be better, but not better than me. Be more, but not more than me. Be beautiful, but not more beautiful than me. Be successful, but not more successful than me. Give to me, but do not ask or expect me to give to you… because I won’t.

I do not understand a world that will constantly “teach” one not to give up, while at the same time always trying to knock you down or break your spirit. Let me destroy you so I can be the one to rescue you.

Save your heroics. It’s not salvation I’m after. This I say to the world; this the world echoes back to me.

It’s all a matter of perspective – more or less, and I believe for the moment my perspective is best kept in the mists and shadows.

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Here’s another old post/test I found in a former blog that I felt worthy of saving here…

2005

Here is the source for the test: http://www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/test.php

I’m not sure exactly what this test is, but it gives a numeric personality profile and a wing type, which I’ll explore below.

 

I’m type 3, “The Achiever”, with a 2 wing.

Type 3: Focused on the presentation of success, to attain validation

People of this personality type need to be validated in order to feel worthy; they pursue success and want to be admired. They are frequently hard working, competetive and are highly focused in the pursuit of their goals, whether their goal is to be the most successful salesman in the company or the “sexiest” woman in their social circle. They are often “self-made” and usually find some area in which they can excel and thus find the external approbation which they so desperately need. Threes are socially competent, often extroverted, and sometimes charismatic. They know how to present themselves, are self-confident, practical, and driven. Threes have a lot of energy and often seem to embody a kind of zest for life that others find contagious. They are good networkers who know how to rise through the ranks. But, while Threes do tend to succeed in whatever realm they focus their energies, they are often secretly afraid of being or becoming “losers.”

Threes can sometimes find intimacy difficult. Their need to be validated for their image often hides a deep sense of shame about who they really are, a shame they unconsciously fear will be unmasked if another gets too close. Threes are often generous and likable, but are difficult to really know. When unhealthy, their narcissism takes an ugly turn and they can become cold blooded and ruthless in the pursuit of their goals.

Because it is central to the type Three fixation to require external validation, Threes often, consciously and unconsciously, attempt to embody the image of success that is promoted by their culture. Threes get in trouble when they confuse true happiness, which depends on inner states, with the image of happiness which society has promoted. If a Three has a “good” job and an “attractive” mate, she might be willing, through an act of self-deception which is also self-betrayal, to ignore the inner promptings which tell her that neither her job, nor her mate are fulfilling her deeper needs. Even the most “successful” Threes, who generally appear quite happy, often hide a deeply felt sense of meaninglessness. The attainment of the image never quite satisfies.

Threes can sometimes mistype themselves when they mistake the more superficial features of their personalities as indicators of their type. So, for instance, an intellectual Three might mistype as a Five; a Three who is devoted to her role as mother might think she is a Two; a Three in a leadership position might mistype as an Eight and so on. Regardless of the manifestation however, the core of the type Three fixation is the deep need for external validation.

WING 2

Enneagram Type 2 – The Helper
Helpers who need to be needed

People of this personality type essentially feel that they are worthy insofar as they are helpful to others. Love is their highest ideal. Selflessness is their duty. Giving to others is their reason for being. Involved, socially aware, usually extroverted, Twos are the type of people who remember everyone’s birthday and who go the extra mile to help out a co-worker, spouse or friend in need.

Twos are warm, emotional people who care a great deal about their personal relationships, devote an enormous amount of energy to them, and who expect to be appreciated for their efforts. They are practical people who thrive in the helping professions and who know how to make a home comfortable and inviting. Helping others makes Twos feel good about themselves; being needed makes them feel important; being selfless, makes Twos feel virtuous. Much of a Two’s self-image revolves around these issues, and any threat to that self-image is scarcely tolerated. Twos are thoroughly convinced of their selflessness, and it is true that they are frequently genuinely helpful and concerned about others. It is equally true, however, that Twos require appreciation; they need to be needed. Their love is not entirely without ulterior motive.

Twos often develop a sense of entitlement when it comes to the people closest to them. Because they have extended themselves for others, they begin to feel that gratitude is owed to them. They can become intrusive and demanding if their often unacknowledged emotional needs go unmet. They can be bossy and manipulative, feeling entirely justified in being so, because they “have earned the right” and their intentions are good. The darkest side of the type Two fixation appears when the Two begins to feel that they will never receive the love they deserve for all of their efforts. Under such circumstances, they can become hysterical, irrational and even abusive.

Because Twos are generally helping others meet their needs, they can forget to take care of their own. This can lead to physical burnout, emotional exhaustion and emotional volatility. Twos need to learn that they can only be of true service to others if they are healthy, balanced and centered in themselves.

Twos can mistype themselves if they are not in an obvious helper role in their professional lives; they might not recognize the extent of their involvement in assisting others. This is especially true for male Twos, who have not received the same social rewards for helping as female Twos receive. Male Twos frequently mistype as Ones or Threes, the wings of type Two. Females, of all types, are bound to recognize some of the dynamics of type Two in their personalities, as such qualities have been socially reinforced. Female Nines, for instance, are especially prone to mistyping as Twos, particularly if they are the mothers of small children. But Nines are self-effacing and humble; Twos are proud and have a strong sense of their own worth.

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Well, we’ve established that my Sun sign is Leo, my Moon Sign is Aries, and that I was born in the Year of the Rat.  However, surfing through an old blog, I see I also took the time (once upon a time) to investigate my Rising Sign.  Here’s what I wrote back in 2005:

I’m getting varied information on my rising sign. Some sources say Aries, some say Taurus. Having read a few descriptions, Aries seems most accurate.

Here’s the aries information from the website I used to generate the rising sign: (astrology.com)

“Aries Rising:

If your Rising Sign is Aries, whether you like it or not, people always look to you to get things started, to lead the charge, and to say the things that no one else dares to say. You seem confident and blunt — and like an easy puzzle to put together. People think they understand your motivations. On the negative side, you might appear too intense and forward — even self-absorbed. Don’t be surprised if others expect you to respond jealously in love. That is the Aries way, and for all the world, you look like an Aries!”

Here is Aries information from the Moon Signs book used to record the Moon Sign, which is also Aries in my case.

“Airies Rising:

You might think that having this fire sign rising would make you an extrovert, but it doesn’t necessarily. You can be quiet, cautious and also slightly shy, and you can even come across to others as a touch hostile until they get to know you better. You may feel you had a difficult relationship with your parents, especially your father, who you might have seen as dictatorial and prone to disagree with you and put you down. Your family may have moved around from one place to another, giving you a rather unsettled school life. A family background with a formal kind of organization is possible, as is a strongly religious background, which you may have felt to be too hidebound or regulated. Any of these childhood difficulties could lead to difficult relationships later in life.

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When I first began this blog and was focusing on the “Know Thyself” category, one of my first posts was Seeing the Signs: The Cat and the Rat. This post provided an astrological profile for my Leo birth sign, as well as that of Chinese Astrology as I was born in the Year of the Rat (1972).  But tonight, I remembered an old blog, logged in to it, found another “Know Thyself” category that included my Moon Sign.

While my sun sign is Leo and I was born in the Year of the Rat, my moon sign is Aries. The following entry is taken from the book “Moon Signs” by Sasha Fenton and Jonathan Dee.

 

Moon in Aries 

You are a quick thinker, talker and large-scale planner, but you may need help with specific details. Lunar Ariens are often starters rather than runners, so you may be happier as an executive rather than as an ordinary worker. You may be a tough go-getter, but your confidence can evaporate quickly and you need the support and admiration of others.

Women with this Moon placement may value a career highly. You can be enthusiastic, headstrong and freedom-loving, unable to accept restrictions or unnecessary discipline. Your love life may be stormy, either because you are changeable and easily bored or because you are unwilling to compromise. However, you are probably honest and don’t try to manipulate others.

Moon in Aries people can be deft and dextrous, so your excellent co-ordination could make you successful at many sports.

The Moon is a ‘watery’ planet, and when it is in a fire sign emotions can be expressed quickly and easily. Moon Ariens can therefore display a hot temper, although you usually cool down quickly and rarely sulk. It may be hard to get you to listen to others, as you tend to see everything from your own point of view, concentrating on your own emotional needs rather than those of others.

One problem that seems to afflict those with the Moon in Aries is that of having a domineering or difficult parent, and the years from adolescence to independence are often characterized by shouting matches.

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Chakra Test

Years ago, I found an online chakra test, free, and the timing was just perfect because I’d recently been introduced to the concept of chakras and chakra healing. I’ve since bought a few books, read a few articles, and have enhanced my interest, although I’m far from being “knowledgable” on the subject. Eventually, I will be… but for now, it’s a learning experience.

I don’t remember what my results were back when, or what the results were the second time I’d taken the test and posted it in a different blog. Tonight, with not much on my mind and an inclination toward discontentment and/or boredom, I decided it’d be a good time for further exploration in the “Know Thyself” category of The Road Home. Perhaps some of my mental/emotional state is connected to the condition of my chakras? Hmmm.

So, here’s where I found the test, and here are my results:

Root: under-active (-50%)
Sacral: open (50%)
Navel: open (25%)
Heart: open (25%)
Throat: open (50%)
Third Eye: over-active (81%)
Crown: open (44%)

 

I’m unable to copy and paste the result definitions due to copyright protection, but you can view them here.

Here’s the Wendi-ized summary:

Root Chakra- Under active – this is where my fear and nervousness are coming from.  If I’d like to feel more secure and confident, I should pay some attention to activating my root chakra.

Third eye, or sixth chakra is over-active – this is my “airy-fairy” syndrome where I tend to live more in a world of daydreams and fantasy than in reality (and NO, that is NOT a reflection on the validity of the faerie-folk, but on me dreaming of what my life could have been, should have been, would have been, or might some day be – rather than dealing with the WHAT IS of my circumstance.  To get more “grounded”, I should work on restoring balance to my sixth chakra.

So first and sixth chakras need some attention, but the rest seem pretty well balanced.  I’ll do a bit of reading in the next couple of days.  In fact, if I’m not mistaken, T’s brother-in-law has a natural affinity for chakra knowledge and may be able to assist with a bit of chakra healing.

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Finished cleaning by one. Had lunch with Stinkerbelle, and came home by 2:30. By three, I was laying down for a much needed, long overdue nap. I think I should have stayed awake.

This morning’s Fairy Oracle? Follow your dreams…

No doubt this dream was time travel, which made me think of the Crow and its ability to see past, present, and future – simultaneously.

Scotland, I think. T was there, but beard was longer and thicker, arms were bigger, chest was broader, and he looked much less Sage and much more Rage. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was more Viking than anything in this dream. In the dream, I was his and I followed him as we traveled. With us, his son and two of my three, Rhythm and Stinkerbelle. Accents were thick, but we didn’t have them, so it was clear we didn’t live in Scotland, but were transplants, or simply visiting. T was playing a game in a castle with a Royal figure while the rest of us waited. T came out of a room in a hurry, snatching up his things and insisting we do the same. We all went trotting behind him. We had access to a car, so it couldn’t have been distant past – or the time travel happened sporadically so that I didn’t realize we were going past to future back to past again. At any rate, we landed in a bar somewhere. This is where T told me that he was no good for me… that it had nothing to do with me, but that he had to go his own way. I was furious. I yelled at him for dragging me to the middle of nowhere and ditching me in a place I didn’t recognize, with people I didn’t know. He said I’d find my way, then disappeared.

His son offered to give me a ride back to the castle because that’s where I’d left the majority of my things. I snatched up what I could, but apparently I left behind some valuables – or at least that’s what I was told as I was being driven back.

Back at the castle, T’s son also pulled a disappearing act, saying he thought we could hang together for a while and he’d felt obligated to look after us … but, like his dad, realized it’d be in all of our best interest if he, too, disappeared. With that, he dumped us on the castle doorstep and was gone.

We entered the castle to find an old king. He had a long beard, looked almost like Dumbledore from Harry Potter. He said, “Finally, you’ve been returned to me.” He licked his lips in an obscene way and said, “I’ve been waiting for my prize!”

Suddenly it became clear that T had gambled me… and lost. I’d be no-one’s prize! Nor would my kids see me belong to anyone in such a way, so we used the power of three, did some serious ass-kickin, and freed ourselves from the castle.

Back in more modern times it seemed, we were walking at night, lost, heading towards a highway. We had to walk up cement steps and I asked Rhythm, “You think we can walk on the 1031? Some highways you can’t walk on. It might not be safe.”

Suddenly, a voice from beneath the bridge calls out to me with a Jamaican accent. “Scuse me, Angel.” When I didn’t respond the first time, as it seemed Angel was a direct name (and not mine), he called out again, “Hey, Angel!”

Stinkerbelle called it, “Hey, Mom… I think that guy is talking to you.”

I looked over my shoulder toward the man, who was sitting cross legged with bare feet and an orange hat. “Yes, you, Angel!” Said the man.

“My name isn’t angel, Sir. I think you have me confused for somebody else.”

“Aye, Angel – a rose by any other name would smell as sweet – but Angel is not the name, it’s what you are!”

“I assure you, Sir. I am no angel.

“But you are… even if you cannot see your own wings.”

“Well, Sir, these so-called wings of mine are not going to fly us home apparently, so we’d better be on our way.” I answered.

“Might I suggest, Angel, that if you’re choosing feet over wings, that you do not walk the 1031. There are many dangers there. You’d be best to follow that road over there, then.”

There was no other road! If there’d been another road, I’d have considered it! “With all due respect, Kind Sir, there is no other road, and I didn’t say the 1031, I said the 231. You must be confused.”

“Me? Confused? Nah… Listen here: Isn’t it you, Angel, with all due respect, who says there is always a way… more than one way… and that it’s just a matter of finding it?”

I was stunned and frightened all at once, “Who are you?”

“More importantly, Angel, who are you?”

With that, the man vanished… and a road appeared in the exact spot he’d been sitting. It was marked with the numbers 231, and when I looked back up at the sign on the bridge, it now said “1031”. The numbers had changed!

The kids and I began walking the 231 road when a messenger arrived with the news of three attempted (yet not successful) suicides. I knew the three.  I looked at Stinkerbelle, she looked at me, and I said, “I don’t get it… how do I have such a nack for knowing, and why am I choosing them?”

Rhythm answered, “Those aren’t the right questions to be asking for the answer you seek. More importantly, what are you supposed to be doing for them or learning from them since you are choosing them?”

With that, I woke up…

5:15 p.m. —

Lost me in a bet, eh? *smirk*

Dreams like this one perplex me. I have my theories as to what parts of it might be expressing.

In spite of that, the nap was wonderful…

and Life is good!

 

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I’m having Net connection issues this morning.  Not sure why… there don’t seem to be any clouds or other interference, but such is the way with my Satellite provider.  Maybe they’re doing internal work. *shrugs* – At any rate, I’m going to attempt to stick the entire morning into one post, minus pictures, because in addition to net connect issues, I’m also on a schedule this morning and don’t have time to piddle with “page cannot load” crap.

Yesterday was one of those days that quite thoroughlly kicked my ass up one side and down the other.  Being a Tuesday, waning in Pisces, it was easy to predict that there’d be tension and conflict with drama and high running emotions.  I thought I’d be able to protect myself from it just by knowing in advance what the day held, but in spite of my efforts (and the Tarot warnings of self-focus), I got sucked into the whirlwind along with everyone else.  I’m not proud of myself… the night ended with me in a fit of tears in the break room, crying to my daughter on the phone, having to rely on every ounce of internal strength and will power not to tell my manager to go fuck himself, walk out, and never go back again.  Yeah… one of those days.

I just wrote three lengthy paragraphs about my night at work last night and what led to my break-down, but then deleted them.  Not a good idea to write about work in a blog that uses your real name. *grins* –

Stopped by T’s on the way home.  He fixed me a bowl of soup and we watched a few episodes of The Simpsons before I made the journey home.  Of course, when I got there, his Animal Medicine Wheel cards were on the table… and I never can resist.  I drew the Frog – cleansing… Have a good cry! *LOL* – I’d say!

Doing my best to shake off my woes this morning, but I think the four of cups from yesterday’s draw is still lingering. It’s hard not to self-focus and be subject to depressed feelings when life’s demands are bigger than you are.  I’m doing the best I can… and I feel like an utter failure at work while things at home are more of a struggle than they have been since my Tulsa days.  Maybe this weekend’s getaway will ease some of my mental fog.

Here are today’s correspondences:

Today’s Fairy Oracle: Follow Your Dreams (Inverted)
This card can be taken two ways, so it’ll be interesting to see which Tarot comes up with it. Follow your dreams can be literal, as in night dreams. Dreams speak to us in a unique language of symbols, colors, numbers, and reflections of various sorts. If we pay attention to our dreams, they can offer us guidance, comfort, help us make the right choices, relieve stress, and even be prophetic (heads up!). On the other hand, this card may be pointing to personal goals and what we’d really like to be doing with our lives. When you were a kid, what did you dream of being when you grew up? Me? I wanted to be a country music singer when I was between the ages of five and ten. Between the ages of ten and fifteen, I wanted to be a journalist. From age fifteen through current day, the dream has been to establish myself as a professional writer. There’s also the dream of opening my own magick shop. This card, however, may also envelope both of those meanings at once. In any case, I’m being encouraged to pay attention to my dreams – nocturnal and spiritual, and to follow those dreams where they lead.

Today’s Tarot: Five of Cups
Yeah, this got an audible snort out of me! *LOL* – Five of cups follows four of cups, which I drew yesterday. This card shows a man cloaked, trying to make himself invisible to the world. He’s completely within himself and isolating from everything else because of his spilled emotions. He’s distraught over those things that haven’t worked out the way he’d envisioned, in spite of his efforts. Failed relationships, jobs gone wrong, financial woes, spiritual loss… and he’s so focused on the cups that are tipped, and so “wrapped up” in the pain of his reflections that he’s unwilling to notice the cups remaining un-tipped. It’s a five, which shows that the person in this card is spiritually starved, the soul is dehydrated – and he’s been trying to fill that “hunger” with outside influences. He’s closed himself off to the Universal wisdom he so desperately needs because he’s lost faith. The message, long story short, is to take the focus OFF of what’s gone wrong, focus on the possibilities still waiting to manifest, and stop trying to be invisible.

Yeah… I can see where that applies to me today. I’m not proud of it, I will work to correct it – but I can certainly see why I drew it.

Today is:
June 25, 2008

*Planting Day
(Perhaps today is my day for planting seeds of hope since I seem to be needing to redirect my energies to more positive possibilities)

Wednesday:
Governed by Mercury – study, travel, divination, wisdom

Colors:
yellow, brown, white, topaz

The Moon:
Third quarter waning in Pisces, void-of-course @ 9:16 p.m. U.S. Central, enters Aries @ 9:49 p.m.

Waning Moon: From Full Moon to New Moon is a time for study, meditation, and magical work designed to banish harmful energies.

Moon in Pisces: The focus is on dreaming, nostalgia, intuition, and psychic pmpressions. A good time for spiritual or philanthropic activities.

Moon Void-of-Course: Just before the Moon enters a new sign, it will make one final aspect (angular relationship) to another planet. Between that last aspect and the entrance of the Moon into the next sign it is said to be void-of-course. Activities begun when the Moon is void-of-course rarely come to fruition, or they turn out very differently than planned.

Moon in Aries: Good time for starting things. Things occur rapidly, but quickly pass. People tend to be argumentative and assertive.

The Sun:
Cancer, The Crab

And with that, the net finally quit loading my pages, and I’m out of time, so I skip the Cancer description and horoscopes for this morning.

Time to shake it off… there’s no restaraunt business today, so my stress levels should go way, way down. Instead, I’ll be cleaning house for someone else, earning a bit of extra $$$, hanging out with my daughter and spending time with T. See? I’m feeling better already…. *smirks*

In spite of myself, Life is good!

W
 

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Faerie Cool!

So this morning I drew the Vacation Fairy Oracle and had a bit of a sarcastic tone in my response.  I said yep, yep, yep… I know I NEED a vacation, what I don’t know is HOW to make that happen!  I point blank asked the fairies to pave the way…

And so…

I finished up the Daily Dose, changed clothes, ran to the bank, put gas in Pixie Dust, traded out the propane tank for the dryer, and zipped through the Dollar General store to make sure Stinkerbelle had food for a day, the dogs had food, and a few other un-postponable necessities. Just as I was leaving the store, my cell phone rang… it was T.

“Hey… I’m going back to my sister’s this weekend.  You and Stinkerbelle want to come along?”

YES!

We’ll leave Thursday night just after I get off work.  I’m telling my managers when I go in today that I absolutely NEED Saturday and Sunday off this weekend, non-negotiable – and that will prevent me trying to find someone to cover my shift or debating whether or not to call in – or worse, forcing T to cut his trip short on account of me having to return to work.  That means we can come back late Sunday night.

So it’s not a pamper me vacation – not much in the way of romping through meadows barefoot or swiming in life’s waters, but it IS a return trip to the enchanted tree spirits so I can share that experience with my daughter, a chance to re-visit one of T’s sisters who I absolutely adored, a break in the monotony, a comfortable bed to sleep in, a get-away with my daughter, and a chance to hang with T… free from the burdens of my job. I LOVE road trips! I do! I do!

Much gratitude to the fairies for their prompt response in paving the way for a much needed vacation.  I’m totally stoked!

So I’ll work my shift tonight, clean house tomorrow as a side job.  Tomorrow night I’ll toss a few things in a backpack and be ready to go so that Thursday after work we can hit the road.

T’s birthday is Thursday.

And it’s amazing how much more energized I feel in the moment just knowing there’s a getaway right around the corner.

It’s also good to know that the poetic gratitude I wrote didn’t scare him away. *LOL*

Life is good.

 

W

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