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Archive for May, 2008

Had a powerful day yesterday.  The morning began with the Princess graduating from middle school, and her first year back in public school.  She graduated with honors, walking out with six achievement awards and three honors pins.  I sat alone in the audience, snapping photos and clapping wildly as the baby of my family attended her last day of 8th grade.  Prince Eldest graduated last year, Young Prince will be a Junior next year, and the last of the lot enters her freshman year of highschool.  This is a mind-bender for me, with all of my children now in high school or beyond.  Where did those years go?  I’m proud… so proud, so unimaginably, inexplicably proud of who they’ve become and all they’ve accomplished, and yet I’m sad as I look for my children and see adults in their places.

While Princess finished out her last day of school, I set out for a metaphysically powerful day, providing tarot readings for five separate individuals spanning three different locations.  Each time I do a tarot reading for a client, I feel an overwhelming connection to the all that is… a flow of energy that bursts through me.  Even if the clients are unaware, I am fully aware of how my being there – at that precise moment in time, will change the course of their lives… as well as mine. In some cases I’m able to open doors.  In other cases, I can raise the blinds and bring a little light into a life.  Sometimes I can trigger inspiration to set to task on a life purpose, and other times I can offer healing energy to infected wounds.  Yesterday, I did all of those things… and I was conscious of it.  Not only does the reading help the person I’m reading for, but it helps me in ways I find difficult to explain… yet, at day’s end yesterday, as I drifted to sleep with my head resting on a warm heart, wrapped in secure arms, I whispered, “Today, I feel like my life had purpose.”

Not sure why I delved into the part of my past that reflects a failing relationship this morning.  I’m still in the process of transferring all of my former writings to their new home here… happy to be uniting all the pieces and parts of me in one place.  Some days I’ve chosen the art of writing, others I’ve transferred my more positive poetry, or my metaphysical curiosities… but this morning, perhaps because May is drawing to a close, or perhaps because of that warm heart and secure arms, I felt the need to “review” what I went through at the onset of this journey…. the “trigger” for the transformation, which was the divorce that was underway at this time last year.

We’ve come a long way, the kids and I.  I went back to work after four years of being a home-schooling home-maker… and while it was beyond difficult at first, physically speaking, I’ve found my comfort levels in being a food-server again.  The kids have returned to public school and did so with remarkable success, each completing the year with honorable grades.  We’ve adjusted to the loss of the majority of our animal family, and have become more comfortable with our meat-eating lifestyle after having been vegetarians for many years.

My heart has healed, was broken again, healed again… and though I’m still somewhat guarded, the Universe has blessed me with a new opportunity that is more perfect than I could have imagined… and I’m taking one step at a time, enjoying the journey.

As a family, we’ve still some challenges to face.  We’re gearing up for a move… time to leave this house and make a home of our own, but the way is not yet clear.  I need to move… spiritually, financially, domestically, parentally… it’s needed; it’s time.  It has to happen… I’m just not sure how to MAKE that happen in a timely fashion without biting off more than I can chew.

I’m in a good place this morning… a peaceful place.  I’ve got to take Princess to a doctor’s appointment at one, but plan on coming home aftwerward, cranking up the stereo, opening the windows, and doing some serious house-cleaning… of the literal and spiritual varieties.

Life is good.

W

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Intro: Written in March 2007, this is the beginning of my acceptance that in spite of what I tried, I’d be unable to influence another.  Writing is the only thing that brought me safely to the other side of this em-ocean… I don’t claim it’s all “good” writing in the technical or professional sense, but it sure was remarkable therapy when I needed it.

“Knowing Me, Knowing You”
Written by:
Wendi Friend
March 2007

You know I like my potatoes mashed
You know I like my coffee sweetened
With French Vanilla creamer
You know Lucky Charms and Shredded Wheat
Are my favorite cold cereals
And that I’m a sucker for some no meat
Biscuits and gravy for breakfast

But you don’t know me

You know I adore Alanis Morissette
And that I’ve had an on-going love affair
With Tinker Bell
You know I prefer being barefoot
Although my passion for shoes is vivacious
And that Mountain Dew is my favorite
Soft drink, and yet

You don’t know me

You know I’m a fan of philosophy
And free-spirited thinking
You know I honor elements and the Universe
Without subjecting myself to dogma
You know I cherish mysticism
And that I embrace magick
And that laughter is my favorite medicine

Still, you don’t know me

You know I think best on paper
That I don’t believe in violence
That I’ve a soft spot for my pets
And all of Earth’s other little creatures
And that I’m lactose intolerant — Nevertheless

You don’t know me

You know I believe what goes out
Must return to sender by three
You know I support the theory
That you should believe good things
Because what you believe becomes
You know I endorse patience and forgiveness
And that I’ll do what needs done for me and mine
But truth remains

You don’t know me

You know I suffer from back pains
That I have lazy tendencies at times
That I’ll push with all my might
To reach my goals in spite of my faults
You know I sing when I can
That I cry when I need to
And that I have nightmares when I’m stressed

And you don’t know me.

You know I’m a clutter bug
And that I love to bake
When it’s not expected of me
You know I love peanuts
But not generic Chips Ahoy
You know I love being outside
And that I have a shadowed past

Even still, you don’t know me

You know I’ve battled addictions
That I’ve made bad choices
That I get knocked down
Then get back up again
You know I’m self confident
That I won’t be made the fool
Or taken for granted

You know these things, but you don’t know me

You know Charmed and Missing
Are my favorite television shows
And that I like to eat popcorn when I watch them
You know I have my favorite blanky
And that I sleep with a pillow between my knees
You know I love going out to eat
And that I embrace opportunities to travel

How can you not know me?

Then again, I could be wrong –
Maybe I’m not the one you don’t know
Perhaps you know me through and through
Better than I know myself, even
So then maybe the one you don’t know

Is you

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Intro: This piece is metaphoric, symbolic, and does not reflect actual physical abuse.  Written in June 2007, it was an expression of the pain caused by a dying relationship and lack of respect which eventually led to divorce. 

“Metaphoric Madness”
Written by:
Wendi Friend
June 2007

The first blow
was a sucker punch
I never saw coming…
Right across the jaw

with full fist
drawing blood in splatters
from lips
too smart to speak

I walked away
went to the dryer
to fold the clothes
that still need packed

And that’s when
I felt the second blow
right across my back
with full force

Of course,
I walked away
Try the dishwasher
but it couldn’t clean this mess either.

Chase me down
Back me into a corner
Kick me in the stomach
with your own stupidity

Throwing of stones
open handed slaps, head butts
drawing more blood
creating more bruises

Blacken my eyes
if you must, but it won’t
keep me from seeing the truth

Take it back to the bedroom
close the door
where I could be dragged about
by my hair…

but not in front
of the children.

Do what you must
But you will not
break me.

The only thing
you’ve accomplished
is the sealing of
your own fate.
 

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Intro: April – July 2007 was a major time of transformation for me. I was being faced with many obstacles and challenges, unsure of how I’d measure up in the long run.  I had lost my identity and was in the process of re-inventing myself.  This writing is one that guided me through that painful period of self discovery.

“The Food Chain”
Written by:
Wendi Friend
April 16, 2007

Nothing’s wrong
Yet nothing’s right
Kentucky Sunday
Becomes Kentucky night

Where tree frogs croak
And coyotes howl
Where the owls hoot
And the critters prowl

Predator, Prey
Who are they
And where am I
— in the food chain

It’s a matter of survival
The will to live
The need to love
The desire to give

Kentucky Sunday
Smartly retires
Leaving untouched
The heart’s desires

The hawks finally rest
In their heavenly nests
Asking where am I
— in the food chain

The cows chewed their cud
And the horses had their hay
And the donkeys grazed
On this Kentucky Sunday

The turkey-vultures scavenged
The birds found their seeds
The squirrels gathered nuts
While others die from needs

Night breezes blow
The moon has lost her glow
And where am I
— on the food chain

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Don’t

Intro:  The periods between April and July 2007 were prolific periods for me because I wrote my way through my trials and tribulations.  The writing was therapy, it was how I found my strength.  This is one of the pieces that led to the final outcome of divorce.

“Don’t”
Written by:
Wendi Friend
June 16, 2007

Don’t ask me to pretend
that I’m something
I never was
or never could be

Don’t ask me to forget
those things
you refuse
to remember

Don’t ask me to paint
a picture perfect scenerio
of blended beauty
while you strip away
the colors of me
with chaos.

Don’t ask me to step
another step on this path
(of hot coals and cold hearts)
or into an embrace
that is a death grip

I won’t slip
quietly into
the coffin

Don’t ask me to believe
in empty promises
and false hopes
and broken dreams

Because I won’t.

Just Don’t.

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Intro: Getting divorced meant many things would change for my chidren and me.  Before the divorce, we were a homeschooling family. I didn’t work, so I was able to devote all of my time and energy to their education and raising them outside of the confines and expectations of society.  After the divorce, however, I’d return to work and the teens would embark on a journey back to public school.  Before the divorce, the kids each had their passions… the Prince took Tae Kwon Do and ranked National Champion several times over.  The Princess was taking horse-riding lessons, nurturing her dreams of becoming an equine vet and care-taker of horses.  After the divorce, those lessons would have to cease due to financial restraints.  Before the divorce, we were vegetarians and had been for a number of years.  Returning to the fast-paced world of social interaction and agendas, we knew we’d have to adjust our diet to accomodate – not only as a matter of convenience (I couldn’t prepare good vegetarian meals for them while I was working fourteen-hour days, and I couldn’t ask them to maintain vegetarian lifestyles on school cafeteria food), but because our bodies would be under greater demand, so we returned to eating meat.  Prior to the divorce, we had eight cats, four dogs, and two birds… the cats and birds would have to be placed in new homes because as I single parent, I couldn’t afford to care for the extra lives.  We managed to hold on to the dogs, but it’s a struggle… and the loss of our other animal family members was tragic to us all.  So many changes… and I saw them before they arrived, so I reached for my children to offer them what security I could… knowing the storm was about to blow through.

“To the Prince and Princess”
Written by:
Wendi Friend
June 17, 2007

The journey on which
we’re about to embark
is more than an
accumulation
of miles
and minutes.

As this
transformation unfolds
Trust in me
You have my word
I will not let us fall.

We will all
make sacrifices
and for that
you will never
fully know
how sorry
I am
and yet
in those things
of which we let go
we will find
hidden treasures

Love and laughter
are our riches
and we
we three
are millionaires

Things…
they don’t matter.
What matters
is that we stand
strong together
that we support
one another
that we believe
in each other
and that our love
be unconditional

Know in your hearts
that in spite of
my own weaknesses
I will provide…
and we will
remain in tact.

Let each step
be a lesson
Let each word
be wisely spoken
Let each beat
of our hearts
beat as one.

I have cried my last tear
I have shed self-centered skin
I will do what needs done
And be a warrior for you.

You have my word
I will not let us fall
So hold my hand
don’t let go
and on the count of three
(by the power of three
And the powers that be)
Take a really big breath
…. and jump.

I’ve gotchya.

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Intro: Written April 30, 2007, this piece was written with intent to “undo” the magick done three years prior.  My husband and I didn’t hate each other, didn’t want to hurt each other, but we’d have ended up doing just that if we’d forced ourselves to stay in a toxic situation.  Everyone involved was suffering and it was time to admit that we were no longer beneficial to one another.  We make better friends than spouses with one another, and though we’ve been divorced now for a while, we remain friends.  We got married on Beltane, one of the most magickal nights of the year, at twilight, on the waterfront, with both Christian and Pagan ministers.  Just after the sun had set, I glanced over my shoulder and spotted the reflection of the moon in the water… a visit from the Lady in the Lake.  Hence, it was to her I addressed the need to undo what had been done.

“Lady of the Lake”
Written by:
Wendi Friend
April 30, 2007

Lady of the Lake
Luminous Goddess of Love
I saw you…

Glowing, showing
Your power

And your glory

Deva of the waters
Goddess of emotion
Angel of devotion

I felt you
Divine and sublime

Lady of the Lake…

I hopped up and down
Fluttering my wings
Giggling, clapping

Wishing the wish
Your magick brings

Unaware

That my wish
Would be my curse

Lady of the Lake…
I wished a mistake…

And now that I’ve reached
The Sacred Three…
May the wished curse be broken

And my heart set free

 

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